This is Garrett Prettyman, associate coach with Goodguys2Greatmen.
Without a calm, confident man leading it, relationships drift towards arguments, drama and loss of sexual chemistry. Today's newsletter is about leadership when facing one of the most confusing and frustrating situations - when your wife or girlfriend keeps bringing up the past.
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The quote, "Do it right the first time so you never have to do it again" rings true for most men.
There's nothing more satisfying than checking something off as complete…for good!
So it is understandable that we feel frustrated when our spouse brings up past
issues.
Re-hashing the past can get under our skin when...
- We're made out as the "bad guy" (even though we've apologized many times for the part we played).
- She tells a version of the past that doesn't accurately reflect our true intention or perspective of what happened.
- We see there is absolutely nothing that can be done about what happened in the past
Why Does She Keep Going Back To The Past When We've Already Hashed Through It So Many Times?
Your wife or girlfriend isn't crazy.
There are 2 important reasons WHY she keeps bringing up the past.
- She wants to feel seen, loved and cared for RIGHT NOW
- She wants to feel your unflappable emotional safety, understanding, and solid masculine core AGAIN AND AGAIN
She doesn't want to feel our confidence, leadership, and unflappable emotional safety just once; She LOVES to feel it again, and again, and again, AND AGAIN...
When she’s in emotional turmoil and pain, she loves to feel a man who can:
- Stay present with her
- Be unshakable in his attitude towards her
- Be a safe harbour for her to share her insecurities
- Empathise with how she's feeling
- Stay curious about her experience (without making it about him)
Men like physical intimacy again and again. Whereas women like emotional intimacy again and again.
So bringing up the past is a way for her to feel the strength and consistency of your love over and over again!
How You Can Make Going Down Memory Lane With Her Positive
If we get defensive, critical, or lose our cool when our wife brings up the past we are leading a negative experience.
The same applies if we become quiet, withdrawn, or numb.
Her bringing up the past is a cry for love.
Imagine she is drowning in an ocean crying out for us to toss her a life vest.
If we stand on shore explaining to her why she's overreaching, why she doesn't have the story straight, or why she should just get over it, she will stop
respecting us.
Women don't want to be sexual with men they don't respect, so how you handle this directly affects her desire to be intimate with you.
In session 3 of our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course, we teach you how to see your wife's moods and reactions in a different light.
This skill is essential for you to feel confident in how you lead conversations with her, where in the past it
might have turned into an argument or drama.
Most of us guys didn't realize that her desire to feel our balls of brass and heart of gold comes through her complaints or bringing up the past.
You can be a different kind of man going forward.
There are only 2 days left to join the course!
You know that this course is meant for you if...
- Your moods change when your wife's moods change
- You find yourself arguing about the same stuff over and
over
- You shut down or numb out to survive her chaos
- You've been hoping things will improve but years have gone by and she doesn't even know if she loves you now
Registration closes August 10th and our first session will be August 17th at 5:00 PM Pacific.
Be grounded brother,
Garrett Prettyman
Associate Coach At Goodguys2Greatmen
