Blake is a successful entrepreneur who came from nothing. He started his construction business years ago with only a pickup and a few hand tools. Today, he has a fleet of employees, a lot full of heavy equipment, and a glowing reputation in his community. But Blake's marriage is suffering. If you missed the last email about this story, Read PART 1, and PART 2, to get caught up. 

A Shocking Discovery in the Bedroom

One morning late fall, Blake was driving to a customer's home to meet his crew when he realized he had left his laptop at home. 

The laptop contained important plans for their job, so he had no choice but to return home and retrieve it.

When Blake got back to his house, he noticed a car belonging to one of his wife's friends was parked in his driveway. 

He didn't think much of it until he walked through the house and was unable to find his wife Molly or her friend anywhere. 

Then he heard the TV coming from his bedroom. 

As he opened the door to his bedroom, he saw both Molly and her friend sitting on his bed like deer caught in headlights. 

Blake didn't know what to say. 
 

Molly broke the silence, "Why are you home so early honey? My friend and I are watching some Netflix today!"
 

Blake's mind was racing. 

The whole situation seemed suspicious.

However, whenever he previously expressed his concerns to Molly, she dismissed them by saying he was just being insecure and that there was no reason to worry.

Blake left the room without saying anything. 

The rest of the day, his gut was in knots. 
 

Blake trusted his wife, so he tried to console himself that she wouldn't do anything that would breach their fidelity. 

However, a few days later, he noticed his Verizon bill had a whopping $300 overage charge. 
 

When he looked at the bill closer, he noticed Molly had sent hundreds of video messages. 

Who was she sending videos to?? 

That weekend, Blake confronted Molly while she was cleaning up their living room. 

"Honey, we have a huge overage charge on our phone bill, who are you sending so many videos to?" Blake asked. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry! It's my new friend, Nick, I didn't realize I'd used up our data!"

Blake's fused popped. 

Blake raised his voice and said, "This is not cool! Why were you guys watching TV in our room the other day all alone, and why on earth are you texting videos??"

"I'm sorry! I'll pay the overage charge myself!" Molly replied.

"What's going on, Molly?" Blake pleaded.

Molly defended herself by saying, "Nothing! He's just a really good friend!"

She started digging in her purse for cash and said, "You always get insecure and try to control me, Blake... Just let me live my life!"

There it was...Molly's go-to when she was cornered...She would always make it sound like Blake was the one who needed to man up and stop being insecure. 

The thought of being insecure was a major button for Blake. 

He wanted to come off as strong, cool, and deliberate. 

Anytime Molly pushed this button, he would drop the issue in fear that maybe he was just being insecure. 

How NOT To Handle An Emotional Affair

6 months down the road, Molly and Nick's emotional affair would come out. 

At this point though, Blake only had assumptions to go on. 

Here's a list of 6 things Blake did that will always make matters worse when there's a potential emotional affair. 

1. He started tracking her phone's location CONSTANTLY
2. He would show up at home or even Molly's work at random times to check on her. 
3. He would text her regularly to keep tabs on what she was up to.
4. When Molly was in the shower, he would go through her journal and her phone.
5. Anytime Nick's name came up in conversation he would get passive-aggressive.
6. He used Molly's behavior to justify his porn use. 
7. He demanded she stop hanging out with Nick

The list above is the perfect ingredient list to push your wife into the arms of another lover. 

We are in no position to expect fidelity from someone else when we ourselves are crossing the line of personal privacy.

Many men have faced restraining orders and have even lost custody rights for snooping through their partner's personal property without permission.

Also, expecting our wife to be strong enough to break off her emotional fantasy with someone when we ourselves aren't being strong enough to break off our porn fantasy is a double standard.

What I just said will piss off a lot of men. 

They will argue that porn and an affair can't be compared. 

I get it. 

I was in that camp once too. 
 

But here's what I see play out in marriages over and over with guys I've worked with...

Our wife usually DID try to back off from the emotional fling early on just like we tried to back off from porn flings...And she's found it's easier to defend and justify than to stop (just like we found with porn).

I'm not saying the actions are equal "crimes", I'm saying the skills to end either is almost identical. 
 

We must lead by example and prove something is possible ourselves before we get to ask it of others. 

One thing Blake did not do was confront Nick directly. 

I see many guys do this, and it's almost always done from a place of emotion. 

Any action taken on emotion immediately makes us the servant of the person who upset us. 

If our enemy can make us react, they are our master.

Confronting the other guy might FEEL like we're standing up for the marriage and putting him in his place, but it's really just affirming that how he lives his life can control our behaviors. 

If you want to read more about why acting on feelings makes us look weak, check out my article, "Why Small Dick Syndrome Is Ruining Your Marriage".

How You SHOULD Handle An Emotional Affair

Here are 6 actions you SHOULD take if you suspect your wife is having an emotional affair. 
 

1. Have a clear set of values to determine what constitutes fidelity and infidelity, rather than relying on feelings of insecurity (or your wife's morals) to decide.
2. Make sure you’re living to the value yourself before expecting her to. 
3. These values must be the hill you're willing to die on and divorce your wife over. If they are not that strong, then they are just preferences (She isn't obligated to live to your preferences).
4. If it emerges that she's crossed one of your non-negotiable values around fidelity, you immediately initiate a separation. 
5. Don't dig for evidence, let it emerge on its own. (If you dig, you'll never find what you like and it almost always leads to you being "the bad guy".)
6. Learn how to exude internal (positive) pressure (more on this further down).
    

External (negative) pressure will drive her into the arms of another.

Think of external pressure as anything that criticizes, judges, shames, forces, demands, or insists our will onto another person. 

Internal (positive) pressure will let her feel the sting of violating her own values.

Affairs of any kind never stay secret for long.

When we stay calm, cool, and unshook by our suspicions, her internal pressure (guilt) starts to build up in her.  

This internal pressure she experiences by violating her own values will cause her to do one of two things
 

1. She will end the inappropriate relationships all on her own. 

Or...

2. She will leave us for the other guy. 

We have to let her make this choice all on her own otherwise we will never be able to trust that her choice was genuine.

Pressuring or shaming her with all the "‘evidence" to choose us over someone else might win the immediate battle, but it will ultimately lose the war.

Also, human nature is to dig our heels in with resistance when faced with judgment. 

The more we try to haggle, argue, cry, and demand for our wife to come clean, the more she feels a desire to resist our pressure.

Our pressuring behavior also justifies her actions in her mind the same way we can justify porn 99% of the time.  

She won't be able to feel her internal guilt when we're putting her on the defensive with our demands and criticism. 

However, when the affair does finally emerge, (it always does) and we swiftly initiate a separation, she's faced with the sting of HER choice to have the affair.

If she responds to the separation by showing genuine remorse for the emotional affair, you're relationship can be saved and trust can be restored. 

If she doesn't show remorse or break off the affair in light of the separation, you'll have to move towards divorce. 

Doing this will require balls the size of Australia and self-respect as tall as Everest. 

Ironically, massive balls are very attractive, so don't be surprised if your wife ends up choosing you over the other when it's all said and done. 

But even if she doesn't, we have to stand for our non-negotiables like this if we want to have a marriage that aligns with it.  

How You Can Grow Bigger Balls To Handle Her Emotional Affair

If you had told me once that separating, divorcing, or breaking up with a woman over my non-negotiables was the sexiest thing a man can do I would never have believed you. 

Yet I've seen it work. 

I've watched women lose all respect for a man when he opts for complaining and setting demands vs actually pulling the trigger and letting her go when she crosses his non-negotiables.

If you want to have a clear frame so you can confidently handle ANY situation with your wife then you should join our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course.

Mark and I will help you build your non-negotiables, teach you how to set boundaries, and be a man who isn't rattled by other people's behaviors. 

Not everything your wife does that you don't like is worthy of a separation.

This is why we'll teach you in this course how to handle her drama when she doesn't like your preferences vs non-negotiables. 

Gain these benefits by clicking HERE to pay and save your seat. 

Be grounded brother, 

Garrett Prettyman

Associate coach at GG2GM