Blake And Molly Became Ghosts In Passing

During the summer, Blake's business boomed. 

He was lucky if he could get 4 hours of sleep each night. 

Molly's job also became more demanding, and she started working a graveyard shift. 

With Molly sleeping during the day and Blake sleeping at night, they only saw each other as they passed in the doorway. 

Their sexual intimacy was becoming less frequent. 

On the rare day Blake and Molly were home at the same time, Molly was usually moody and complained that Blake didn't stand up for her or give her enough words of affirmation to make her feel appreciated. 

"Do something worth praising and I'll praise you!" Blake snapped to Molly one morning when she started complaining that she felt unappreciated.

Blake went on to say, "The kitchen stinks, the house is a wreck, and you're never home! When you are home, you're lounging around in your sweatpants, sleeping, or watching TV... I hardly think that's worth praising! 

Blake had been holding that criticism in for weeks, and boy did it feel good to finally get it off his chest! 

Immediately he regretted it. 

A tear ran down Molly's cheek and she left the room. 

Blake was frustrated.

Maybe his approach wasn't how he should have handled it.

Although it felt good to vent, he knew from experience the dark cloud between him and Molly would be extra thick the next few days because of it.  

He recognized that his marriage was faltering, but he was unsure of what changes he should make.

Why did everyone in his community think of him as an amazing man but Molly saw him as far cry from amazing?

Molly Started Making New Friends

As fall approached, Blake reassured himself that the relationship would improve once his business slowed down for winter. 

Over the summer, Molly had made quite a few new friends, and her social life took up most of her free days. 

For the first time in months, Blake finally had a free weekend at the same time as Molly. 

Much to his surprise, Molly was gone most of the weekend doing activities with her friends. 

This bothered Blake, so he decided to address it. 

Molly was about to walk out the door to meet a friend when Blake said, "I don't like that you spend so much time with your friends."

She responded by saying, "I love my friends. They support me and mean the world to me!"

Blake responded, "Ya but I think WE should be spending more time together. Your friends seem to be having a bad influence on you! We haven't had sex in ages and it seems like you show them your happy side and give me your cranky side".

Reluctantly, Molly canceled her plans with her friends.

The tension between her and Blake was palpable the rest of the day. 

She was obviously bummed to not be with her friends.

Blake was bummed Molly didn't choose him over her friends by her own choice. 

When Blake tried to initiate sex with Molly later that night, she said she was too tired, rolled over, and went to sleep. 

What Was Really Going On Between Blake & Molly

Blake meant well, but he hadn't learned (yet) that love can't flow from an empty bucket and criticism always breaks connection. 

Blake wanted time and physical intimacy with Molly not because he had extra love to give, but because his love bucket felt dry and he needed her to fill it. 

Molly's love bucket was also dry, so she had nothing to offer him. 

Most men turn to porn when they feel starved for love. 

Most women turn to relationships when they feel starved for love. 

Blake's use of porn had been increasing over the last few months. 

He always had a reason he would tell himself to justify it.

"I'm learning how to better please my wife"

"I'm getting myself turned on so I can perform better for my wife tonight"

You name the excuse, Blake had adopted it. 

The truth was, he had tried to stop porn several times and always reverted. 

Porn trains our minds on how to have fake intimacy. 

The porn-soaked brain will correlate "getting turned on" with our wife as a signal that we're closing the emotional gap with her (when we're not).

This inaccurate correlation blows up in our marriage because we'll use OUR state of desire as the "green light" for when we should initiate sex regardless of our state of connection with her. 

If our partner doesn't feel an emotional connection with us, pushing for sex at that time is going to drive a wedge between her heart and ours. 

Porn also rewards our mind for a "prize" we haven't actually created in REAL life (which dramatically reduces our drive to sustain what's necessary to create REAL intimacy). 

The window of opportunity through which a heart-to-heart connection is made with a female is not a window of sunshine, roses, or sex. 

Her window is that of moods, challenges to our beliefs, and emotional pain. 

These seemingly dismal points are where REAL intimacy springs from, and porn trains our minds to miss it. 

This mental paradigm is what Blake had subconsciously adopted towards Molly, and it made him triggered and critical whenever she did something that felt like a resistance to physical intimacy. 

Molly was a real woman, with real problems, a real heart, and a real sex drive. 

Blake couldn't reach into her experience and allow her to be seen and appreciated because he perceived everything she did that annoyed him as a barrier to intimacy.

Molly's love bucket ran empty when Blake's connection towards her became this transactional. 

It's rare for a woman to go extended periods without having her emotional needs met.

Molly was doing what most women do when they don't feel seen or appreciated - she went out and created new relationships to fill her love bucket.

A Warning About Your Wife You Should Know About

At this point in Blake's story, he was oblivious to how thin the ice was for his wife to have an affair. 

The thin ice looks like this:

• Our sexual energy is directed towards fake intimacy (porn) so we don't have the stamina to navigate our wife's challenges to connect with her heart and create REAL intimacy
• We react to annoyances about our wife as if they are a barrier to intimacy
• Our wife's love bucket has been dry for months (or years)
• Our wife is getting 99% of her emotional needs met elsewhere
• We use disapproval or control to try to get her to change
• We feel we aren't emotionally connected to her and push for sex as the solution 

Brother, when our wife experiences the recipe above, she is RIPE for an affair. 

This tipping point can be the making or breaking of the marriage going forward, depending on how we handle it.  

How You Can Avoid Blake's Mistakes

A lot of guys, (myself included) didn't realize how thin the ice was with our wife. 

We continued to demand, argue, and try to logically persuade our wife back into intimacy.

We insisted she should choose us over her friends and set ultimatums for her to "get her shit together".

Out of frustration, we insisted our needs were just as important as hers, and demanded she should step up and fill her role! 

However, these behaviors will drive her into the arms of another lover. 

If you want to avoid Blake's mistakes, you will need to stop acting as Blake did. 

In our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course, we will help you build the right frame to lead a heart-to-heart connection with your wife.

We teach you how to fill your love bucket so your wife can feel your care for her, not your neediness, stubbornness, or frustration.  

You'll learn how to make your wife feel seen, and how to NOT react from triggers and neediness.

If you're ready to gain these skills, you should join the course!

Click HERE to pay and save your spot. 

Once you do, I'll send over the material for our first session! 

Stay tuned over the next few days for part three of Blake's story. 

Be grounded brother, 

Garrett Prettyman

Associate Coach at GG2GM