It’s only idealistic if you expect to have it as your reality 24/7.

It’s only idealistic if you are constantly measuring your relationship by how well it’s meeting your ideal expectations.

It’s only idealistic if you are standing by with your arms crossed and drumming your fingers expecting your partner to make all your dreams come true.

The problem with lofty ideals is that people see them as a place to get to. They are in pursuit of an idea - a specific reality they want to experience at this moment.

But lofty ideals are NOT a place to get to - they are place both partners must come from.

The ideal state in your marriage is where both partners have an underlying mindset and intention to create what you both want.  You must share values for what “normal” is to you.

This means you both should be thinking, speaking and acting in ways – consciously – which create trust, respect, support, loyalty, affection, playfulness, flirtation, sensuality and passion.  (If those are your shared values)

Those are not places to get to. Those are places you must come from every day if you want to create what you want.

So…What if She Isn’t Playing?

This is an obvious and important question.

What if you’re the only one trying?

In most cases I can comfortably tell you you’re full of shit. We’re all mostly full of shit.

We haven’t been coming from those places. We’ve been full of anger and resentment for not being treated right.

We’ve been so tied up over not getting what we want that we’ve stopped being what we want.

And when we stop being what we want, it is impossible to create what we want. 

Nobody in your life - including your wife - can possibly be inspired to join you in your ideal state if you are not already living it.

Under our very own power we can feel relaxed, comfortable and safe.

We’re in charge of how affectionate, playful and easy we are.

We have total control over our sexuality, passion and romantic energy.

You get the picture.

Those are places to come from – a way to BE – not something to coax, manipulate or pursue.

Only when we learn to live from our idealized state can it possibly become a reality.

The Cold, Hard Bottom Line

I know many men who have followed my coaching on this.

They decide to own their energy and start living their life from the ideals and values they choose. They become unapologetic in their desire to be comfortable, playful, affectionate and sexual.

These men become wildly confident and clear in where they are going.

They relate better with their kids than ever before. And their jobs or businesses start taking off because they are inviting others to join them in an energy and way of being they are already living.

Sometimes their wives begin to get caught up in the energy. They join them in their enthusiasm and start making better choices in how they are showing up each day. Healing begins. Honesty becomes rampant.

And then trust is rebuilt – slowly, but surely.

And sometimes wives will say something like, “You know, I see what you want and where you want this to go. But, you have to understand that I don’t think I can ever live like you want to live or love you the way you want to be loved.”

Yes, those words can crush a man.

But clarity is king. At least now you know what the cards are. The next step is yours.

You will never know where your marriage (and life) might go until you decide to be the man you want to be without fear about whether others go with you or not.

If you’re a man ready to take the reins in your life and marriage, if you're ready to start turning all your procrastination into action then below are 4 ways to get started today: