Tony and I had been working together for about two months and dug deep into his masculine psyche. We talked about the non-negotiable values and boundaries driving him as a man and how he never really had any!

We talked about why he felt so powerless and out of control with his emotions. 

We pinpointed a pattern of wishy-washy behavior and indecisiveness that permeated his life, job and marriage.

Tony started to gather momentum in his mojo and said something I love to hear from a man emerging from pain and powerlessness. He was becoming more aware of his own value. 

He said, “You know what, I’m done with reacting to everything that happens to me. I can see how my lack of clarity and willingness to take action has gotten me where I am. I can’t make her happy or make her want to fix our marriage. I respect myself too much to stand by and just watch this happen and not do something about it.” 

As we kept working together, Tony gained confidence in how he was handling Jenna’s secret life. 

He stopped arguing with her and he focused on being the best dad he could possibly be. He was motivated by a desire to feel positive, decisive and proactive.  And he wanted to be a role model to his kids for how a man handles adversity.

But as patient and strong as he was, nothing much was changing with Jenna. She continued her cold shoulder attitude and emotional distance from him. 

The kids kept asking Tony, “what’s wrong with mommy?”  

Tony knew better than to involve them in any discussions and just reassured them that they were loved. 

Tony actually felt better than he had in a long time and gained some weight back. 

He wasn’t sure how things would turn out, but he was certain he would be okay no matter what. 

No matter what Jenna decided to do he knew he would come out a better man on the other side of this. 

That’s when Jenna told him they needed to talk to the kids about a separation. She wanted to leave for a while and wasn’t sure how long. 

Tony’s “Divorce Preparation” Nearly Saves his Marriage 

It was nearly 6 months since it all started and Tony made a decision. It was the first of many decisions he would make that would change his life forever. 

He learned about the power of making decisions from his heart and then simply responding calmly to the consequences of those decisions.

He was ready to let Jenna go.

He asked her to lunch to talk about something important, so they met at a place they used to enjoy together. Tony had a folder under his arm with the handwritten words on the front, “Next Chapter”. Inside was a stack of pre-signed and notarized divorce forms. 

Tony had educated himself on the process of an uncontested divorce. He was crystal clear that he was now ready to lead Jenna toward the end of their marriage - something she clearly wanted too. 

It took Tony fifteen minutes to explain to her what he decided and he explained the process and what she would need to do with her forms. 

He wasn’t angry or nervous. He didn’t blame her for a thing and he didn’t need an apology. He was kind, but businesslike.  And he held her hand when she started to cry uncontrollably. 

She said, “Gosh, you don’t have to seem so excited about it!” 

Tony wasn’t excited…just very, very clear. 

This wasn’t an act and he wasn’t trying to manipulate her. He was simply done.

Three weeks later after Tony and Jenna had gotten the papers filed, Jenna called Tony. She wanted to stop by the house and pick up a few things.

When she arrived, he could see that she had been crying hard. It was clear she had nothing really to pick up as she plopped on the couch and looked at him with puffy eyes. 

“Are you sure this is what you want?  Don’t you think this is something worth saving?” 

He didn’t give her an answer just then.  

Tony and I talked a few days later. He asked, “What do you think I should do?” 

I said, “Simple. All you have to do is get your head clear and make another bold decision.” 

First he considered what he expected of himself in this situation. Then he clarified his values and his non-negotiable boundaries. He felt strong in what he wanted most for himself and his kids if he was to reconcile with Jenna. 

Then he made a decision. 

Bold, clear and confident. 

No more wishy-washy Tony. 

At that moment, it was the right decision for him. 

There would be more decisions to make down the road. And he knew he would be ready for them.

If you want Tony's clarity and confidence in moving forward, I’d love to help show you the way.  Get started today, here are 4 ways we can help you get started today: