Blake's Issues With "The Other Guy"

Winter was in full force, marking nearly 18 months since Blake's wife's emotional affair had come out. 

Since late fall, Blake had been spending time regularly with a man named Mike who was the calm, confident, ladies' man Blake wanted to be. 

Thanks to the nasty weather, having a beer by Mike's fireplace had become a regular part of their weekends. 

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust Molly again," Blake said as he pushed his feet up by the fireplace. 

Blake went on to say, "I feel like a chump for trying to make this marriage work after she violated our marriage by having her emotional affair."

As usual, Mike paused before responding. 

After a few moments, Mike said, "You know Blake, my wife had an emotional affair once too"

"What??" Blake stammered, trying to comprehend what he had just heard. 

"Geeze, Mike! Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

Mike replied, "I wasn't always how I am now with women Blake! For many years, I was a very jealous guy, always on red alert if my wife was crossing the line with anyone. Much like you, I drove my wife right into the arms of another with my constant insecurity about her commitment to me"

The two men sat in silence for a while. 

 "Do you trust Jenny now, Mike?" Blake asked. 
 

Mike leaned back and assumed the relaxed composure he always seemed to have and said, "Today I trusted her, and today she was trustable. Yesterday and tomorrow don't exist; all we have is today...and today was a good day!"

Blake stated, "but, I've heard, 'Once a cheater, always a cheater’…”

"Here's what you need to understand with that statement, Blake", Mike said emphatically. "The 'trustableness' of our wife was the same on our wedding day as it is now. Were we incapable of trusting our wife on our wedding day? Obviously not! The only thing that's changed since then is how we've chosen to THINK of her after her emotional affair. I choose to think of her as a girl who's attracted to guys. Heck, some girls are attracted to both guys and girls. Should we lock our wife in a cave so she never interacts with another human and gets feelings for them? It's normal to fall in love with different people as we go through life, we can't help who we love. Her having feelings for others means nothing about me or my value as a man. If she wants to give her heart to another, I end the relationship with no fuss and move on." 

"Did you end the relationship with Jenny once"? Blake asked. 

"I sure did!" Mike replied. 
 

Mike poked the logs in the fireplace to get the flames going and said, "I told Jenny, "You're free to go with your new lover sweetie. I wish you guys all the best!"

I don't think I could do that, Blake confessed. 
 

"It took balls the size of cannons", Mike chuckled, then continued saying, "One thing I've noticed about women is they have a real soft spot for confidence. I didn't let her go as a plan to reattract her. I was genuinely surprised when, a few weeks later, she ended the affair with deep regret for straying. The only time we're being a chump is if we chase her, beg her, demand her loyalty, and don't man up and let her go if she's made it clear she doesn't want to be with us. What you need to understand, Blake, is I NEVER would have taken her back if she hadn't shown true remorse for straying".

Are The Rules Different For A Physical Affair?

In the story with Blake and Mark, both of their wives had engaged in emotional affairs rather than physical ones. 
 

Esther Perel has been studying sexuality and infidelity for decades. 

She has stated that many spouses have survived a physical affair and created the best version of their marriage after. 

For some couples, a physical affair serves as the wake-up call they need to prioritize building the relationship they desire in their marriage.

Blake's Reevaluation Of Molly's Emotional Affair

The next day, Blake's mind was still on the conversation he had with Mike the night before. 

He could see how his old ways of neediness, fear, and insecurity about other guys had contributed to creating the perfect environment for Molly to have an emotional affair. 

On the other hand, Blake felt he had taken responsibility for his part over the last 18 months in creating an environment where she could feel safe, trusting, and emotionally connected to him. 

Mike was living proof that an awesome marriage could still be had even if there was an affair. 

In a moment of clarity, Blake realized the only reason he was so passionate about saving his marriage was because he didn't believe he could survive a divorce. 
 

His mind couldn't even go there. 
 

Divorce was like a forbidden curse to be avoided at all costs. 
 

Blake thought to himself, "What would Mike have done if he had been married to Molly when she had her emotional affair?"
 

The truth Blake felt in his gut was hard to reckon with. 
 

All the begging, pleading, guilting, and demanding Blake had done to get Molly to abandon her affair partner was the total opposite of Mike. 
 

Blake knew he should have happily ended the marriage and moved on 18 months ago.

How To Have More Clarity About Taking Your Wife Back After Her Affair

It takes a clear-thinking, non-emotional, fearless man to determine if he should take his wife back after her emotional affair. 
 

Misery is never a good reason for divorce and fear is never a good reason to prolong a marriage.  
 

Ending a marriage just because it sucks is like jumping out of a plane 30K feet above the ground with no parachute just because we don't like the plane. 

Prolonging a marriage out of fear is like living on crumbs when the table next to us has an entire meal. 
 

We must learn to hold ourselves to behaviors that honor our values and lead an amazing, interesting, mission-focused life regardless of what our wife is doing.
 

This objective is simple and unchanging whether our wife is as spiteful as a viper or as loving as Cupid...

• Stay focused on creating an awesome life
• Do it with a big grin on our face
• Be a fun, relaxed guy who is comfortable in his own skin

Many men step out of their power by trying to change their wife's behaviors when they don't like her actions.

This co-dependent behavior must stop or else our happiness will always be in the hands of other people.

We always feel confident and secure when people around us are sweet and nice.
 

It's only in the presence of the opposite that our true self emerges.
 

Our true self is what our wife sees and responds to.
 

In our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course, we help you identify the values and standards you will use to build amazing behaviors regardless of your partner's moods or actions.
 

We help you form a version of yourself who has no regrets in your choice to take your wife back or to lovingly let her go.
 

Who can put a price on that?!
 

Pay to save your spot, and get the guidance you need to be a clear-thinking man of courage!
 

You're almost out of time!

Registration closes this Saturday and won't re-open until later this summer!

Be grounded brother, 

Garrett Prettyman

Associate coach at GG2GM