Several weeks had gone by since Blake went on a hike with his new friend, Mike.

During the hike, Mike told Blake, "Women are like flowers. A flower blooms when it's ready if the environment is right. No amount of explaining, setting rules, demanding, expecting, guilting, insisting, or getting angry at the flower will cause it to open."

Since then, Blake became more aware of his presence around his wife, noticing her different response when he set the tone.

Today was rainy, so Blake and Mike decided to meet for coffee at a local diner. 

"Well, how are you and Molly doing?" Mike asked Blake after taking a sip of his coffee. 

"We're still not having sex if that's what you're wondering... It's been 191 days since we last made love!" Blake replied. 

Mike chuckled and said, "Keeping score are we?" 

Just then the waitress walked up and asked, "More coffee?"

Blake held his cup up for the waitress to fill, his eyes still focused on Mike. 

When the waitress reached to fill Mike's cup, Mike said to her, "Cute bracelet...I've only seen that style in Mexico, were you down there recently?  

"Oh yes! My friends and I were there for spring break", the waitress responded. 

Mike leaned back and held eye contact with her then asked, “How did the trip go for you?"

The waitress's face brightened, and she said, "I loved it! The sunshine was so relaxing!"

"Ah", Mike smiled, "I like being relaxed too. Has life been stressful for you?"

"Yes", the waitress sighed. "My roommate lost her job and trying to make ends meet has been weighing on me lately." 

"I hear ya... sounds like it's been frustrating",  Mike empathized. 

Mike then held his cup for the waitress to fill and with a wink said, "Fill it 2/3rds full...A drop more and you'll get bad luck"

The waitress blushed and poured coffee into Mike's cup, careful not to overfill it. 

Once the waitress walked away, Mike asked Blake, "What did I just do with the waitress?"

Blake replied, "I don't know, you chatted her up I guess?

"Well, I did a bit more than that," Mike said with a grin. 

Mike then explained, "I did three things. First, I led the conversation to be about her emotions. Second, I related to her emotions with my undivided presence, which made her feel special. Third, I let her feel my leadership by playfully telling her she wasn't allowed to overfill my coffee. Did you see how it made her blush?

Blake was speechless.

They had both created very different experiences from the same waitress.  

"Do all women respond like she did when you take those steps?" Blake asked Mike. 

"No, If she isn’t receptive I don’t try to force her to open up," Mike replied.

 Then with a grin, Mike said, “I enjoy giving her the invitation, so no matter how she responds, I’m left with a good feeling. Are you ready to drop the scoreboard with Molly and just enjoy whatever there is to enjoy with her?"  

Honestly, Blake was unaware of the scoreboard he had with Molly until Mike pointed it out.

Blake seemed to be thinking deeply, so Mike went on to say, "Some things in life like sex, happiness, and respect don't show up for us until we stop trying to catch them".  

Blake grew frustrated and explained, "If I drop the sexless issue with Molly, I already know she'll go ages without sex and not think anything of it!" 

"How is that worse than what you have right now?",  Mike pointed out.  

Blake knew Mike was right... He was already without sex, and counting the days obviously wasn't changing anything for the better.

The Light Bulb Moment For Blake After 191 Days Of A Sexless Marriage

Blake finally got it when he realized his desperation to resolve his sexless marriage was largely contributing to why he was in a sexless marriage. 

How we act when we're desperate puts us in a state of resistance to what we want. 

When we're in a state of resistance...

• We see the cup as half empty, not half full
• We categorize 191 days as being sexless instead of it being 191 days closer to having sex
• We assume the worst of others instead of the best
• We cling to low-vibe emotions which draws the same out in others

Blake Dropped The Scoreboard Towards His Wife 

In the past, Blake would have been disappointed that Molly hadn't prepared lunch. 

As he watched her sleeping, he realized that not only did he keep track of when they last had sex, but he also kept score of who made lunch last.

Blake decided at that moment to let his scoreboards go. 

If he was honest, keeping score only made him more miserable, and letting go of it was in his full control. 

Molly woke up when she heard Blake making lunch in the kitchen. 

She entered the kitchen and started to apologize. 

"Hey!" Blake interrupted in an understanding tone.

Molly stopped and looked at him. 

Blake stood tall, leaned back with a grin, and said, "go back to your nap cupcake, I got this".

Molly let out a sigh of relief and left the kitchen for a moment, then came back and lingered.

Blake didn't expect this, and it seemed unusual to how she normally acted around him. 

Over the next few minutes, Blake listened while Molly told him about how stressful her career was, how empty she had felt lately, and how she felt starved for sleep. 

Blake kept thinking of how Mike had led the conversation with the waitress. 

He kept listening for the emotions in Molly's stories and tried to empathize with them even if her feelings made no sense to him. 

After about 20 minutes, Molly went back to her nap. 

Blake noticed that listening instead of arguing or taking Molly's feelings personally made him feel better about himself.

Maybe this is what Mike had been talking about - Simply being a guy who you enjoy being, and letting that sexy presence be a gift to those around you. 

How Dropping The Scoreboard Can Help Your Marriage

Notice Molly's panties didn't fall off the moment Blake decided to connect with her emotions. 

Blake still had to make lunch himself, and he didn't get sex that night. 

When a women is starting to warm back up to us, those big obvious things are rarely present. 

Rather, she makes small, almost unnoticeable attempts to re-connect. 

In Blake's story, it's the fact that Molly came back into the kitchen and lingered that showed she was trying. 

Like a delicate flower pedal trying to open, harshness or outbursts from us will squash these tender attempts by her. 

For some guys, the attempt on her part looks like something that most married people do every day (like telling you where she’s going or when she'll return". 

Until we drop our list of demands and let our scoreboard go, a woman who's on the fence about being married to us will rarely start to warm back up.

How You Can Get A Clear Action Plan For Your Failing Marriage 

We've had guys join The Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course whose wives were completely checked out of the marriage. 

Over the years of running this course Mark & I have seen intimacy return, wives fall back in love, and divorces stop. 

Not everyone who has joined our course has saved their marriage, but everyone who saved their marriage used the action plan we teach. 

Give your marriage the best shot for its survival by paying to save your seat. 

Be grounded brother, 

Garrett Prettyman

Associate Coach at GG2GM