Blake is a successful entrepreneur who came from nothing. He started his construction business years ago with only a pickup and a few hand tools. Today, he has a fleet of employees, a lot full of heavy equipment, and a glowing reputation in his community. But Blake's marriage is suffering. If you missed the last email about this story, Read PART 1, PART 2 and PART 3 to get caught up. 

The Emotional Affair Finally Came Out

6 months had passed since Blake had walked in on his wife Molly and her good friend Nick watching TV alone in his bedroom. 

After many weeks of Blake pressing Molly on the issue, her distancing and denial only grew.  

There were times over the last few months when Molly didn't even come home for several days. 

It all came to a head when Molly finally broke down and confessed she had been having an emotional affair the whole time. 

"I knew it!!" Blake shouted. 

Blake stood up from his office chair and said, "I knew there was something going on between you and Nick"!! 

Molly started to cry. 

Blake felt like all his nagging, stocking, and tracking of Molly had finally paid off, he had got her to confess!
 

What a win! 

Or so he thought...

What happened next would change Blake forever. 

Molly choked up as she said, "I'm in love with Nick, I'm going to leave you, Blake" 
 

Blake had been so focused on getting Molly to acknowledge her suspicious behavior that he hadn't noticed his actions were only making the grass seem greener on the other side of the fence.
 

"You can't leave me, you're my wife!" Blake cried.

Blake went on to argue, "We're a team! We always make things work, and we never back down just because things are hard! I won't let my marriage end because you caught feelings for someone... we all feel attraction to others sometimes, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it!!"

Blake's voice was desperate. 

Molly was silent. 
 

She took the rest of the week off from work but avoided Blake, mostly staying in bed by herself day after day. 

Why "Fixing" The Problem Doesn't "Fix" The Problem

Would his wife Molly leave him for another?
 

The thought tortured him for days. 
 

"She can't leave me for that looser", Blake thought to himself. 
 

"What would my family think? ...They would think I'm a failure!!" He said out loud, horrified that his reputation would be marred forever.  
 

Saturday morning, Molly finally crawled out of bed and slowly walked into Blake's home office where he was working. 

"I'm going to break it off with Nick" Moly said, sounding depressed and exhausted. 

"Phew, what a relief!", Blake thought to himself. 
 

Molly left the room with a long sigh. 

True to her word, she contacted Nick later that day and told him they would never speak again. 
 

Blake was ecstatic.
 

At last, their marriage could return to normal! 
 

But that night when Blake crawled in bed, Molly rolled over to face the wall and wouldn't speak to him. 
 

Blake thought he had fixed his marriage, but honestly, it felt like it was worse than ever now since Molly still wasn't warm or affectionate towards him. 

Was Blake's Marriage Too Far Gone?

Not only was there zero sex between Blake and Molly, but every moment they were together was tense and full of disappointment. 

Blake feared maybe his marriage was too far gone to save.

He found himself turning to forums, YouTube, and contacting marriage specialists hoping to find clarity on what he should be doing. 

The feedback he got varied. 

"Dump her! Once a cheater, always a cheater!" One man told him in a private men's forum.  

"This can be a fresh start to the best marriage you've ever had!" said another man in the same forum. 

Blake was never a man to throw the towel in early. 
 

Even though he and Molly hadn't had sex in over 6 months, he refused to believe his marriage couldn't be turned around. 
 

Then Blake met a man named Mike in the men's forum. 
 

Mike was different.
 

Mike didn't jump on any rants or judgment calls, and he seemed well-balanced. 

In fact, nothing seemed to shake Mike, and he spoke in a way that commanded an instant respect from the other men. 

Blake Learned What He Had Been Doing Wrong In His Marriage

"Nothing I've tried will get her turned on Mike, why can't my wife see that sex is vital for our marriage to work!"  Blake protested as they climbed a hillside trail.

Mike was slow to respond. 

"Well?!" Blake asked, stopping to catch his breath. 

Mike looked at Blake with a relaxed understanding. 
 

"You see these flowers on the hillside Blake"? Mike said while pointing to a clearing in the trees. 

"Yeah," Blake muttered.
 

"Well, how do you think those flowers bloomed"? Mike asked. 

"I don't know", Blake replied. 
 

After thinking for a moment Blake went on to say, "They just do when it's summer.. I suppose sunlight and water play a part in it. But what does this have to do with my sexless marriage?"
 

Mike took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh mountain air. 

"Flowers are like women," he told Blake as he reached down and plucked a flower. 
 

Mike then explained, "A flower blooms when it's ready if the environment is right. No amount of explaining, setting rules, demanding, expecting, guilting, insisting, or getting angry at the flower will cause it to open."
 

Mike's voice turned serious as he turned to Blake and said, "What's the environment like you bring to your wife?"  

Blake had to stop and think. 
 

He always figured making money and being a provider was the value he brought to the marriage, he hadn't considered what the environment was like that he created. 
 

"Hold on Mike!" Blake said. 
 

"Why does it matter what environment I create if Molly is a total bitch to me most of the time!" Blake explained, tossing a stick in the air. 
 

"We don't create our environment for her sake, Blake, we create it for our own self-respect. If nature waited for a flower to open before allowing it to have sunlight and water, flowers would go extinct. Be the sun because you like to bring a happy tone to the room, be the rain because supporting others is what makes you fulfilled, and be the soil because being grounded when faced with chaos is what makes you feel like a man."
 

Blake & Mike finished their hike in silence while Blake pondered what Mike had shared. 

How To Know If You're Marriage Is Too Far Gone

Many men make Blake's mistake by assuming their wife's attitude or her desire for sex is what determines if their marriage has failed. 

We only need to check one gauge on our dashboard and that is the gauge of our own standards for ourselves. 

If we've been living to our own standards, bringing a vibe to the room that we're proud of, and not allowing our wife's emotions to control our emotions, then we are being our best selves. 

Keep in mind we need to show consistency with this for at least a year or two before we can decide if our wife is incapable of softening towards us in this environment. 

How You Can Get Crystal Clear On Your Personal Standards

Men who complete our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course create their own blueprint to follow so they know if they are being their best selves. 

Without this blueprint, we won't be able to set boundaries correctly or be free from co-dependency. 

If you're ready to stop trying to force your wife to be different or you're tired of trying to "get her in the mood" without success, you should join the course!

I promise completing this masculine confidence development will be the best return on investment you've ever made.  

Be grounded brother, 

Garrett Prettyman

Associate coach at GG2GM