How Poor Communication In Marriage Starts
Has the gulf of disconnection in your marriage grown to the moon?
If so, I have both good and bad news.
The bad news is both you and your wife probably feel like ghosts in passing.
There's tension in
the air.
Long conversations about the relationship mostly pivot around expressing frustration.
As one of my clients recently said, "She's walking on eggshells & I'm walking
on razor blades”.
I describe my own experience as, "I'm holding a grenade and she's holding a claymore”.
In both situations, we may opt for AVOIDANCE to prevent a nuclear meltdown.
Regardless of which scenario you relate to, the good news is poor communication in marriage isn't the issue.
No my friend, poor communication is merely a symptom of fear which breeds lack of connection.
The free-flowing, meaningful banter in our relationship first flew the coop when we stopped listening to what our partner
felt and started fearing what she felt instead.
Here’s two common responses based on fear:
1. We don't like how she's making us feel, so
we explain ourselves hoping she'll change.
2. We think "we're in trouble" so we open our mouths to try to smooth things over and please her.
Both responses only dig the hole deeper.
Warning: Headless Chickens Can't Lead Connection
When my wife wanted out of the marriage, I went from avoiding her emotional minefield to panicking aimlessly.
I
initiated LONG, DEEP conversations about the relationship, stayed glued to her side, called her every hour, and tried to make up for 7 years of subpar support by flooding her with appreciation.
Like a chicken with its head cut off, I ran around looking for ANYTHING I could find about how to close the gap with my wife.
The article poses great questions for discussion and I highly recommend it to maintain an already good marriage.
But here's the deal, you
can't put lipstick on a headless chicken.
The same issue that drove my panic was the same issue that drove our poor communication: I was scared.
Healthy Communication Is Natural
Imagine you're hanging out with one of your good buddies.
You're both at the lake, casting a line, snacking on chips, and chillin' the afternoon away.
For a while, you might chat about what's on your mind, and then for a bit, there may be silence.
Funny how we can share 3 hours of silence with a good friend and not be bothered by it but our wife's silence seems deadly.
The truth is, we don't FEAR anything when we're with our buddy.
Communication NATURALLY happens, when it's supposed to happen, when everyone is relaxed.
This is the golden question to ask ourselves: Why am I fearing her feelings or taking them personally instead of simply relaxing in the face of them?
Putting The Head Back On The Headless Chicken
Even if our wife seems to be the one holding the axe, we need to take responsibility for the axe we've been swinging.
If we fear things like...
- Disconnection
- Rejection
- Challenge
- Accusations
- Emotions
- Differing perspectives
- Uncertainty
- Being "In trouble"
...Then our wife won't feel safe to open up to us, a chasm grows, and we both feel
isolated.
Women experience 100s of emotions every day ranging from love and adoration to hate and pure disgust. If we fear our wife's feelings, we won't be able to relax, allowing communication to flow naturally.
A very important step that puts the head back on a headless chicken is to take our focus off what we fear and focus on what we value.
Resolving Poor Communication In Marriage By Addressing Root Causes
They're learning that masculinity chooses behaviors based on values, not emotions like
fear.
If you're running around the barnyard trying to lead depth back into your marriage, consider jumping off the chopping block and joining our course.
Addressing our fear, insecurity, lack of decisive action and emotional dependence will clear up 95% of the issues plaguing our intimacy in the hen house.
Resolving these underlying problems is the focus of the course!
Use promo code CONFIDENCE to get an early bird (no pun intended 🙃) discount and save your spot!
Doors close on March 9th.
We only allow 8 action-orientated men who are passionate about gaining huge strides in their masculine confidence to join the group.
Even if you don't join, trust resolving poor communication in
marriage is about FACING emotions like fear with calmness, an open ear, and relaxed inner security.
Stay grounded brother,
Garrett Prettyman
