How can YOU simply shut down the "emasculation game"?
I'm going to keep this very simple because it IS simple.
There is a FEAR every man has about being ALONE...being a FAILURE...being DIVORCED...being a SINGLE DAD...and being POOR.
We have an enormous fear of being perceived as WEAK which is
exactly the fear that emasculation is playing on.
I want you to become more afraid of staying in this fearful way of living than you are afraid of her reactions to you or of divorce.
It's the fear of divorce that will make you behave in ways that CAUSE divorce,
It's the fear of divorce that is the
weakness that allows you to be emasculated by your wife.
So, let's work on THAT, shall we?
This doesn't require you to be "tough", "strong", or "dominant".
I don't want you to take away your wife's power, independence or personal agency.
I want you to permanently and immediately take away your fearful, immature reactions to her attempts to shut down your masculine
sexual energy.
In the video, I described the common forms of emasculation and how you need to better RESPOND.
It is simply NOT OKAY...EVER... for either of you to shame, denigrate, disparage or belittle each other.
Emasculation is what is happens when she (successfully) uses those tactics to relegate you to a 2nd class citizen who is ashamed of your own sexuality, your body, your desire and/or your very
gender.
Emasculation is only possible if it is successful.
It will never be "successful" when you simply don't allow it.
We teach others how we want to be treated. And you must learn how to be a better teacher in your marriage.
How?
- Don't tell her she's "emasculating" you. You're going to teach her how to stop the pathetic,
destructive behaviors that are killing your relationship.
- Tell her to knock off the name calling and insults...every-single-time she does it.
- Tell her trying to shame you is off limits...be relentless in firmly standing up for this value.
- Tell her this marriage will not survive her attempts to
minimize you and your values for a healthy, passionate relationship. This is what fighting for your
marriage requires.
- Tell her to get her own shit
together. Do it as often as needed. (yeah, scary, isn't it?)
More importantly, you must find your center of self-respect, sexual confidence and GOOD HUMOR.
This is your swagger coming back.
Allow her to experience living with a man who has zero fear of her and zero fear of divorce.
Allow her to feel the energy of a man who LAUGHS at her attempts to make you feel ashamed for who you are. This is because YOU really dig who you are.
And, allow her to feel the non-negotiable resolve in you that you will create the life of love, connection and passion you want.
You want it so much that you're unafraid of anything standing
in your way.
