Many guys we meet struggle with letting go of their fears and insecurities.
For so long they have identified with being the:
- Stressed out guy at work
- Husband that is too tired to follow through with what he says he will do
- Chronic complainer
- Impatient and unreliable dad
The only thing worse then being any of these things is the realization that you wouldn't know who you'd be without them!
It's a trap that many of us have fallen into.
It's the default behavior for guys that haven't yet learnt to meet their own needs in mature heathy ways, so they seek out validation, approval and acknowledgement by
complaining.
And it gets annoying, VERY quickly!
It's annoying for guys because it comes with feelings of being at the mercy of circumstance and everybody around them.
And it annoys everyone else because it is what children do!
And yet they hold onto their fears and insecurities like a badge of honor.
As if by signaling to the world that they have it tough, life will cut them some slack.
These guys are so afraid of the unknown that they will accept ANYTHING in life, as long as it's familiar.
Being afraid of the unknown is normal.
Of course it is scary - it's unknown!
Fear itself is
not a problem.
It's very helpful actually.
It's when we find ourselves fighting for things that we don't really want then we need to take a pause and make a decision.
These decisions can only ever be made from a place of calm and clarity.
Most people choose what is familiar over the unknown any day.
Except it is not a
choice.
It's a REACTION.
It is not a conscious choice.
It is a product of fear and
it always leads to resentment about having no control over what happens around them.
You only have control over ONE THING in life - YOUR actions.
Having a woman throw words like divorce, separation and child custody around can put the fear into any man!
They are all things that you have very little control over, which means its SCARY!
Trying to stop them is akin to holding back a giant wave with a surfboard.
You can try, but you're better off using the board as a surfboard and riding the wave to wherever you end up.
Am I seriously saying that you shouldn't fight for your marriage?
I am not.
What I am saying is that trying to stop things from happening is much less effective than making things happen.
"When life gives you lemons, lean back
and squeeze that shit into your eyeballs. Then glare back at life and say, "that all you got, m*****rf****r?"
-Mark Manson
Whether you are fighting to keep
things from changing or are actively changing them yourself, you still only have control over one thing: Your actions!
If you say things like:
- "She isn't affectionate enough"
- "She never wants to spend time with me"
- "We don't have enough sex"
- "She won't do any work to address HER issues"...
Then what is stopping you from:
- BEING more affectionate
- BEING the one to make time to be together
- BEING the one to initiate sex
more
- BEING an example of someone that addresses their issues?
FEAR is stopping you.
You are afraid because you don't know how she'll react, so you keep doing what you have always done - getting the same results you have always gotten.
Rinse - repeat...
This what we want for you brother.
Instead of fighting for what you don't want, why not start creating what you do want?
After being around confident and loving masculine men for awhile, you can see how they do this.
They don't sweat the small stuff, they just take it in their stride.
They don't crumble when things don't go to plan, because they know that plans are only ever a guide and not a guarantee as to how things will turn out.
They don't need to try and stop divorces or breakups, because they only have relationships with people
that want to have relationships with them!
For most people, they would rather stay in a situation that they are familiar with than to do something new. EVEN if they know what they really want is on the other side of their fear.
There are times when life hands you a gift that you have no choice but to take.
Surrounding yourself with other men that are actively CREATING the life that they want
is the first step to learning to do it yourself.
When you realize that you are and always will be okay, you start playing the game of life BOLDLY, CREATIVELY and with a PASSION that is infectious, attractive and energizing!
Stop thinking that you have to stay insecure because you have been up to now!
Stop letting the fear of doing things differently stop you from having a different life!
We can't wait to see you there and watch your old beliefs fall away to reveal the man that has been waiting for the chance to play BIG!
Much love brother,
Mark Drezga
Associate coach at Goodguys2Greatmen
