I'm Afraid My Wife Will Never Make Me Happy

Published: Mon, 08/21/23

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Hey brother,

I've been a Peanuts cartoon fan since I was little. I even had a custom made Peanuts bedspread, pillow case and curtains when I was 9.

I remember waiting for the Sunday paper to read Peanuts in color. I loved the strips where Lucy had her 5-cent psychiatric booth which Charlie Brown couldn't stay away from. (ended a sentence with a preposition...so what?)

I was talking to my brother today about the notion of "happiness" and how people are having meltdowns left, right and center.

Everyone is a little edgy and you just might hear these words uttered in your direction...

You're just not making me happy!

Then he reminded me of the old cartoon where Charlie came to an all-too-common conclusion.

Charlie: Why do you think we're put here on earth, Lucy?

Lucy: To make others happy.

Charlie: I don't think I'M making anyone very happy. Of course, nobody's making ME very happy either. SOMEBODY'S NOT DOING HIS JOB!

*****

It's a childish point of view.

But that doesn't stop most of us.

Every single time we begin to feel "unhappy" we start looking around outside ourselves for the culprit.

Substitute "happiness" for the words, "appreciated", "understood", "respected", "heard", "wanted", "desired", "connected"...whatever fits.

If you're looking outside yourself for someone to deliver those to you in an Amazon box you're in big trouble. That package is going to be late.

Everywhere we go to find those feelings we come up empty. Why?

Because those feelings aren't a place we can go to...they are a place we must come from.

I know. What the hell does that actually mean in the REAL world?!

You know me. I'm all about the real world. So I went to my barn to make this video to explain it in 4.5 minutes for you.

I'm Afraid My Wife Will Never Make Me Happy

Why Doesn't She/He Treat Me How I Want to be Treated?

Answer: Because you're not so good at doing that stuff yourself.

I can't tell how much I resisted this idea. I'm no dummy and I think I had an open and shut case in my marriage.

I was a good person, a good provider, a good friend and I got all kinds of sh*t done. I was funny, not too fat and brushed my teeth AND flossed twice a day.

Yet somehow she failed to see the error in her ways of never giving me quite enough of everything I expected. What? Do I need to floss 3 TIMES a day? I mean...what is it?

Simple.

I sucked at being really good at all the things I expected her to give to me.

This is a simple concept everywhere else in life.

If you want good service, be a good customer.
If you want a good friend, be a good friend.
If you want to be paid well, be more valuable than others doing the same work.

Therefore, if we want stuff like respect, appreciation, connection, adoration, trust, honesty, intimacy and passion we must learn how to BE those things.

We've grown up past the playground point of, "Well I will if SHE will."

You're either consistently BEING that kind of person or you're not.

And if you're not being that kind of person for yourself first, then marriage will feel like you're quarantined in a 24/7 shit show.

How would you like to change all that?

How would you like to be surrounded by hundreds of incredibly smart, amazing, successful men who are changing their reality on a daily basis?

This is not a time to curl up in the Netflix nest and wait this thing out.

This is a time to lean in to uncomfortable reality that nothing will change unless you learn how to change...for YOU.

And guess what?

It's the most fun, energizing, mind blowing time a man can have. Well, if I'm honest, it's pretty close anyway.

Stop waiting for her to make things better, ask for a free "I'm Ready To Lead My Marriage" consultation call - these consultations are actually mini-coaching sessions and you will hang up feeling like "what the hell just happened?"...in a really good way.

Join Dan and I in our Men's Roundtable Group Coaching program. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. It's a $69 investment. Try it for one month.

Tim Wade and I are doing one more Confident Man Ranch Retreat this year in October. This is in Colorado and is a mind-blowing time on a beautiful mountain ranch. This is a guaranteed game changer if you are in a struggling relationship.

How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you've just heard, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I want to separate or divorce."

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

What have you got to lose?

With love, brother,

Steve

************

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Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

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