Why You Don't Really Need What You Think You Want

Published: Sun, 10/15/23

(If you're in Gmail this email may be messed up at the bottom - just click the "View entire message" link at the bottom to read the whole thing).

Hey brother,

In this game of "men's work", there are a lot of promises made.

A lot of the "work" is designed to help you get what you say you want.

More time. More money. More business. More clients.

Better job. Better promotions. More respect.

More fun. More toys. More adventure.

Better health. Better body. Better erections.

Better sleep. More mindfulness. More peace.

More love. More confidence. Aaaaannnd...plenty of sex.

I'm not immune to this stuff. Sometimes when someone asks, "Do you want more of anything?", I'll joke, "Yes! More of everything!"

Who doesn't like more of a good thing?

And who doesn't like getting something you yearn for, crave or desire?

*****

Here's the problem with WANTING more of anything.

During some training years ago, I heard the phrase:

You can never get enough of what

you don't really need.

I've been thinking about that idea every day since then.

It points to the #1 self-help conversation people have all the time.

What's the difference between a WANT and a NEED?

And then, what do I really need?

And then, yeah but, aren't I allowed to want something?

And then another phrase comes to mind. From Wayne Dyer:

You don't get what you want.

You get what you are.

This phrase points to the notion that everything we wind up "getting" in life is a direct reflection of who we are "being".

This could mean that if you really want something...but you're being a stressed out, impatient, entitled, whiny pain in the ass...you probably won't get it. And if you do, you won't be satisfied anyway because you're still pissed off and worn out from being such an ass. (a bit of self-reflection there)

I've learned that it's helpful to try to stay unattached to specific outcomes. The value of "outcome independence" is simply a wink at a basic truth.

You have to be more in love with the process of being the kind of man who gets what he wants than attached to the actual event of getting what you want.

Attachment to outcomes is immature, controlling and dependent.

It's the way of all immature and insecure people who operate under a false belief that getting what you want is the first step to finding peace, satisfaction and happiness.

The belief goes like this:

If I can HAVE this...then I can DO that...and then I will finally BE at peace, satisfied and happy.

It's really the other way around. And the more mature and secure you become with this idea, the better everything gets...pretty quickly.

If I can simply BE peaceful, satisfied and happy...then I can DO the things necessary to create what I want...then I will HAVE the experience/outcome I desire.

This is the Be-Do-Have belief system. Have you been doing it backwards?

Join the club. You'll get better at it. Promise.

Does this mean you will always get what you want?

No. Mick Jagger figured this out. Sometimes you only get what you need. Sometimes we need to fail...to try something different...to learn...to grow.

Here's another way Melody Beattie (Author of Co-Dependent No More) puts it:

Wants and needs are closely connected. And all our needs, even the ones we're not completely aware of yet, will be met. Be grateful that God knows more about what we need than we do. Sometimes when we pray, we get what we want. Sometimes we get what we need. Accept both answers-the yes's and the something else's-with heartfelt gratitude. Then look around and see what your lesson and gift is.

*****

Is Goodguys2Greatmen all about "Men's Work"

I don't call it "work". Too hard.

Remember the long list of wants at the top of this email?

It's a LOT OF WORK to always want so much.

You may be stressed, angry and sleepless by working so hard in your constant energy of WANTING something.

So, stop it. Just stop "working" so damn hard.

We teach you how to do LESS than you've ever done before to get more of what you really need.

It's not hard work to simply think differently...to BE a better man.

What if you could learn to start each day as a peaceful, satisfied and happy man? And what would you create from that starting point?

What if what you want is impossible until you learn how to BE that man?

That's what we're all about. And it's a good place to be.

*****

These are the ways you can join the fun and start getting more of want you want from yourself and from your life - sooner than later.

Free: Take Our Attractive Husband Self Assessment Here

Free: Go HERE to apply for a Free "Work Less Have More" coaching call to learn exactly how you can start changing things tomorrow.

$495 Urgent Coaching Session: If you're facing a crisis right now, and urgently need support to know how to respond without making things much worse, schedule an urgent single 90-minute laser-focused personal coaching session here.

$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men's Roundtable Group Coaching program. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. It's a $69 investment. Try it for one month.

$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you've just heard, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I want to separate or divorce."

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

What have you got to lose?

With love, brother,

Steve & Dan

************

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Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

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