How To Lead Your Marriage Without Being Controlling

Published: Tue, 09/12/23

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Hey brother,

One of the most common things we hear men say when they first contact us is "My wife is unhappy but says she doesn't know what she wants. What can I do?"

If a woman knows what she wants then she's probably heading toward it and she'll let you know.

If she doesn't know, then she's probably heading away from what she doesn't want, or at least heading away from what doesn't feel good to her right now.

If you have coldness, a lack of connection and affection, or a sense of awkwardness and constant nit-picking and criticism in your marriage, the second one is probably true for you.

The good news is that often the women (and people in general) in the second category are very willing to follow someone who leads the way to better feelings.

Dan and I were talking about this earlier in the week and comparing notes on how women often react negatively to us using the term, 'taking the lead' or 'leading her' or 'leading the relationship'.

We're not talking about "telling her what to do" - as an adult woman she is more than capable of making her own choices in life.

What we're talking about is "leading the emotional energy" of the relationship.

How are you leading that recently?

Do you know what it means?

Do you know how to do it?

In the video below, we share a clip from one of our Men's Roundtable Live Group Coaching calls, where Dan and I explain this in a little more detail :

How To Lead Your Marriage Without Being Controlling

Being the leader of the emotional energy in your relationship means being the leader of YOUR emotional energy first.

Are you in control of your emotional energy or does it fluctuate depending on what other people do or say?

An easy way to know if you're leading is paying attention to the kinds of questions that you are asking yourself.

Are you asking questions in your head about her and the relationship that start with "If only she would..." or "Why does she always have to..." or "Why doesn't she ever..."

Leading the emotional energy is not doing something to "get her" to loosen up and come closer to you or give you affection or sex.

Leading the emotional energy is deliberately choosing HOW you will face today, how you will approach dealing with her or any adversity you encounter.

Leading the emotional energy in your relationship means you don't need someone else to change first before you can be confident in yourself as a man with a lot to offer the world and your relationship.

Leading the emotional energy is CHOOSING to come from your value and your power - who you really love to be as a man.

What is your power?

It's knowing that you are a man who CREATES what he wants to experience in his life.

It's believing that you're a man who is worthy of love, connection and affection.

It's knowing the value of who you are and what you have to offer.

Do you know that?

REALLY know that? In your bones?

If I asked you right now, could you tell me exactly WHY you are a man worthy of all the love you want to experience?

You have incredible gifts that people (especially the women in your life) love to receive from you.

When you know - TRULY KNOW - your value as a man, you will experience the power you have to create connection and intimacy wherever you go with anyone, anytime.

And when it happens to the men we coach, they say things like:

"I reclaimed myself! I rebooted my mind to grow and know my worth on my own without seeking approval from others (specifically my wife). Once you know your worth, you’ll be fine no matter what... no one can take that away from you (it's so freeing!)

I am now more focused, fun, loving, confident, daring and calm… a better version of myself (even my wife said that... despite the fact that I’m clearly doing this for me first). House chores, cooking, doing groceries, RAISING KIDS, being sexual, sensual, flirty - I'm no longer scared or tentative about how I do anything! I’m actually doing fantastic and I feel like I’m succeeding in everything I set my mind to. I know I will be okay no matter what happens.

This mountain lion could not thank you enough."

We help men show up in their relationship with the energy of an unapologetically sexual man.

We help men stop caring how other people react to them and relax into just being the confident sensual man they've always been.

And the women in their lives LOVE it!

Yes, you could work on this by reading more books, watching more videos and listening to more podcasts...I'll see you here in a few years time (I did that for 10 years...10 years!!)

It took me deciding to reach out and connect with other initiated men who had walked this path before me to really start to make progress.

No more fear of rejection. No more caring if she reacts badly to your sexuality. No more depending on other people's mood or behavior for you to have what you want.

At some point, you have to own what you want.

At some point, you have to own your role in creating that.

That is what we love to help men do.

We know exactly how you get in your own way. We know because we've been there and lived what you're going through.

We will hold you accountable to changing your life.

No more excuses.

So my question for you is...

Do you take up the challenge to know the power you have to lead the emotional energy of your relationship?

I guarantee it will completely transform the connection and intimacy in your marriage.

In our coaching, we take men through an intense program to build your self worth to the point where it is unshakeable. You no longer doubt yourself or your ability to handle future rejections with the lack of concern they truly require.

Ready to get started?

Free: Take Our Attractive Husband Self Assessment Here

Free: Go HERE to apply for a Free "I Want To Learn How To Lead The Emotional Energy With The Women In My Life" coaching call to learn exactly how you can start changing things tomorrow.

$495 Urgent Coaching Session: If you're facing a crisis right now, and urgently need support to know how to respond without making things much worse, schedule an urgent single 90-minute laser-focused personal coaching session here.

$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men's Roundtable Group Coaching program. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. It's a $69 investment. Try it for one month.

$497 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you've just heard, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I want to separate or divorce."

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

What have you got to lose?

With love, brother,

Steve & Dan

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Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

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