A true story about being the man you want to be...

I get to hear a lot of stories about men and struggling marriages.

This is because a lot men of kind of suck at leading and inspiring their relationships.

They are way too passive and simply follow the lead of their wife. They actually believe that the best solution is to passively become a cog in the wheel of someone else's vision.

They simply “show up” with no agenda other than to cooperate and not make anyone madder than they already are. But, here’s the truth:

Nothing destroys your masculine confidence and optimism more than when you leave your leadership role to someone else.

That’s exactly what Jo was doing for months, until last week. He was mad at himself for how he had been showing up.

Jo decided it was time for a change. It was time to take the lead – no matter what happened next.

When men contact me looking for help it’s usually right around this time.

They’re done with wishy-washy. No more passivity. No more accepting disrespect and scraps of intimacy.

It’s time to go big or go home.

It's time for passion, direction and purpose to flow through his veins again.

Jo told me he was sick and tired of the “wheel spinning” going on in his life and relationships. No more cycles of reconnecting and then disconnecting painfully again.

He was done with trying to keep everyone else happy, running himself ragged trying to meet their needs while all the time feeling less and less appreciated himself. 

To Jo, his life felt mechanized and contrived. His efforts felt devoid of real purpose and real meaning. It wasn’t authentic. He used to be on fire. He used to have a vision and direction that other people were inspired by. And he was just now becoming clear that he'd lost his self confidence in the last 15-years of his marriage.

But enough was enough, he was ready to open up the floodgates and re-find the passionate, confident man inside him again. He was going to lead the way even if she wouldn’t follow him.

I asked him to tell me what he would love to do if he could be 100% authentic and real about his passions in life.

What would be his most raw and vulnerable desires that stirred a deep passion in him?

What would he dearly love to be true but doesn't believe is possible?

He started slowly. Then, with a little help he gained some serious momentum.

Jo Speaks His Bold Truth for the First Time.

Jo told me, “I don’t know, exactly. I’ve been on my heels so long trying to figure out what makes other people happy from my boss to my wife and kids, I’m not used to saying what I think and what I want. I’m getting a whole lot clearer now, but I’m afraid to say it. I’m afraid to say my expectations for the kind of inspiring, challenging, fulfilling, intimate and passionate life I really want”

I wanted to clarify his fears and asked, “So, you’re afraid to admit you desire a more inspiring, challenging, fulfilling, loving, respectful, supportive, intimate and passionate future?”

He said, “Yes!”

I clarified again, “And you’re afraid to say this because other people may react badly to it? But, from my experience with men, one of the leading causes of depression, misery and divorce is their FEAR of standing up for what they really want. It makes you play small. It keeps you from taking the lead and being who you want to be. It happened to me too. I get it.”

Then he really got fired up.

“Well, dammit, I’m not scared anymore. I’ve allowed other people to push me back into being a man I never wanted to be. Somehow I’ve lost the confident guy they used to respect and adore. But, I’m finding him again. 

One thing is not negotiable for me. I will have a life that I want to wake up to every morning, I want to be inspired by my future vision and motivated to continue creating it every day.”

We help men with this every day in our individual and group coaching programs, but a few times a year we like to get together and do this in person and the results are incredibly powerful

Dan and I talk about this a little more in today's video below: