Why Your Confidence Disappears Around Your Wife

Published: Wed, 07/12/23

(If you're in Gmail this email may be messed up at the bottom - just click the "View entire message" link at the bottom to read the whole thing).

Hey brother,

There's a very special trait many of the men in our "tribe" have in common and it drives them absolutely crazy.

What is it?

It's the feeling of LOST CONFIDENCE.

Have you ever felt this? This is what it sounds like:

"I used to be so self-assured. Back in college and when I first met my wife I felt like I had it all figured out. Nobody could knock me off emotional balance and I felt strong. I was in control of my life and felt like I had everything I needed to stay that way. But...not anymore. My wife/girlfriend can knock me backwards with just a look and I can feel the eggshells cracking under my feet. And this sucks."

What happened?

In my humble (but accurate) opinion these men never actually had the kind of confidence needed to be effective in a romantic relationship. They only thought they did.

This was my experience as well.

With a killer work ethic in school and solid athletic skills I quickly became a natural leader and pretty popular guy. I was curious and learned how to fix stuff and build stuff. I made friends easily because I knew how to make people like me. (that's a red flag I talk about in the video)

Being the captain of any team I joined became my normal. My friend and colleague, Dan Dore, recently said the same thing about his experience which prompted me to write this email

There was nothing to fear because nobody could hurt me. I had the keys to the kingdom and felt bullet-proof.

But here's the problem.

Rock star confidence like that is sustainable only in the context of the place where you developed it. It's in the context of where your skills and knowledge counted.

While it's initially quite attractive, it is virtually useless in the context of a committed, romantic, sexual relationship with a woman.

Why?

Because she is much less concerned about what you know and what you can do than she is about WHO YOU ARE.

And THAT is where most of us get tripped up.

We haven't quite figured that one out yet. And it normally takes a major emotional event to shake us up enough to see it.

More in the video about that.

Why Your Confidence Disappears Around Your Wife

“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free” ~ Aristotle

In coaching we talk a LOT about fear.

It's complicated because most people think they know what their fears are. If I ask a guy who has lost his confidence in his marriage what he's afraid of he will normally say, "I'm afraid of her reaction - afraid of making her mad."

But that's not what he's really afraid of. So I ask, "Why are you afraid of making her mad."

And he'll say, "I hate it when we argue because whenever there is conflict she shuts down and won't talk to me."

But that's not what he's really afraid of. So I ask, "Why are you afraid of her shutting down and not talking to you?"

You already see where this is going, don't you? I have to ask him about 5 more times WHY he is afraid before the fear behind the fear behind the fear behind the fear comes out.

"I'm afraid I will lose everything and be a complete failure as a husband which will prove that I'm neither good enough nor strong enough nor lovable enough to hold this marriage together!"

Of course that last conclusion is utter bullshit. But it's very, very potent bullshit.

Stinkin' thinkin'. False beliefs.

It's the voice of the little boy.

It's the obvious conclusion made by an insecure and immature mind...even if that mind is in the body of a 50-year-old. (I raise my hand on that one.)

No matter how confident, secure and mature we think we are, a relationship with a woman has the power to shed light on and MAGNIFY all the parts of our masculine mojo that never quite grew up.

And THIS is why Goodguys2Greatmen was born.

I first needed to heal myself.

And THEN I set out to help others. Oddly, I decided to coach what I most needed to heal. Fancy that. I'm still work in progress.

We discovered the path to true confidence and authentic "mountain lion mojo" isn't about what we know or what we do. It's about who we are.

You may think we do "confidence coaching" but the truth is we help men crush their stinkin' thinking and shed their insecurity in ways that liberate them to live, laugh, love and connect with the world in ways they never thought possible.

My colleagues Dan Dore and Tim Wade and the GG2GM coaches around the world are focused solely on this mission. We help you quickly shed the layers of BS which are currently covering up your natural state of cool, calm, secure confidence.

And we could not be happier you've decided to join this tribe of men and go on the journey with us!

Want to go farther, faster?

Free: Go HERE to apply for a Free "Find My Confidence Again" coaching call to learn exactly how you can start changing things tomorrow.

Free: Take Our Attractive Husband Self Assessment Here

$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in the Men’s Roundtable which is our community of powerful, successful men learning and supporting each other to become leaders in their relationships. With 3 live 90 minute video calls every month, it's the most affordable coaching we offer. Try it for one month...what have you got to lose?

$497: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, coach Tim Wade, and community of men learning how to lead when you've just heard, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" or "I want to separate or divorce."

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

With love, brother,

Steve

************

Please know you are always in control of your subscription to this newsletter and the use of your email address. You signed yourself up and you can “unsign” yourself anytime you please by clicking the “Unsubscribe” link at the bottom of this email. I will always respect your privacy and personal data. You may email me directly if you ever have any questions or concerns about the use of your personal information.

Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

Unsubscribe | Change Subscriber Options