Why Trying to Save Your Marriage May Kill Your Marriage

Published: Sun, 07/31/22

Hey brother,

One reason why we work ONLY WITH MEN is because we ARE men. And we know how you think about solving problems.

You're naturally a good problem solver with keen powers of focus, deduction, logic, analysis and then...ACTION. You probably have a solid track record of solving problems in the realms of industry and technology, medicine, finance, sales and/or management.

If you're in creative professional, you're probably great at imagining many ways to approach a problem. And if you're verbally gifted, you're probably really good at talking through problems until everyone else has gone to bed.

Here's the point.

Men who try to save their marriage typically employ their standard, tried and true problem solving processes only to find out they are making matters even worse. And then they try even harder.

For example, my personal 7-Step recipe looked like this: (use it at your own risk)

Ask what's wrong. Ask again. Then again.
Take the words you hear and analyze them for truthfulness and historical accuracy.
Challenge the words and the feelings behind them with an well-formed argument at increased volume. Wave hands if needed.
Defend yourself by presenting numerous examples of why her words and feelings are totally insane.
Explain in great detail why she "shouldn't be feeling that way".
Take some random action meant to please her including cleaning the kitchen, buying chocolate or offer a hug...or sex.
Sit in anger and confusion as you watch her walk away and close the door behind her.

A 2x4 Moment - Learning Something New

What I've learned about women and relationships over the last ten years should be taught to boys starting in the 6th grade.

There's a HUGE difference between solving a relationship problem with a "remedial" approach and a "transformational" approach.

In this context the word "remedial" simply means to "remedy". To cure...to fix...to resolve. As I said in the beginning, we love that shit! We love solving problems and coming up with quick and clever "remedies".

This allows us to rapidly move past the uncomfortable and inconvenient emotions poking us in the chest. We don't like them because they scare us. They confuse us. And the sooner we remedy them the better!!

Guess what?

When a man approaches his woman and his relationship as an annoyance that simply requires a "remedial approach", he will always make matters worse.

This means if he is trying to "save his marriage", his efforts to resolve the problems are only accelerating the likelihood of divorce.

Why Men Get So Much Bad Advice

Many men start out getting advice about women and relationships from brothers, friends and, sometimes, professional "Pick Up Artists".

Most of this advice is designed to "crack the code" to getting a woman's approval of you so she will want to have sex with you.

Not only is it insecure, approval seeking behavior...it's another example of a remedial approach.

The problem is, "I want her approval and sex."

The remedy is, "Learn tools, tricks, lines and manipulations required to quickly solve the problem."

While in a single's bar where everybody knows the game being played, those tools and tricks can be very successful. That's why there's a whole industry built around teaching insecure men how to pick up women.

But in your marriage? A totally different approach is needed.

And the TRANSFORMATIONAL approach required is going to involve a lot more emotional intelligence and genuine confidence than you need to pick up women at a bar

I explain more about the "transformational approach" in this video.

Why You Must Stop Trying to "Fix" Your Marriage

Transforming How You Think

This isn't a new concept.

But nobody is talking to men about "how to change their thinking" when it comes to women and relationships.

Instead, they talk about "problem solving". But what if a totally different perspective is all you need?

Everything changes when you stop trying to solve problems and understand the magical process of simply CONNECTING. This is a "thinking" transformation.

If you are trying to save your marriage (or even improve it slightly), you must change the way you're thinking about the situation.

In nearly every single case of conflict, upset and disagreement the only thing you should pay attention to is how well you are connecting.

Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated, trusted and respected. Those feelings are at the foundation of a healthy, loving and romantic connection.

Yet, if you're only focused on "fixing her" or "fixing the problem", your attention is in the wrong place.

Slow your roll. Listen. Stop reacting like a defense lawyer. Listen some more. Ask a question like, "What do you most need right now?"

Drop your need to convince anyone of anything. Stop trying to "win" or "be right".

I repeat...LET GO OF TRYING TO SOLVE A PROBLEM and simply remember what it means to CONNECT.

You remember those days, right?

*****

The Goodguys2Greatmen approach to helping you totally change your life and your relationship is to help you to:

Change your THINKING process around women, sex and relationships.
Change your PERSPECTIVE about what is really going on in every uncomfortable and inconvenient situation you face.
Improve your KNOWLEDGE about the nature of healthy masculine confidence, independence and self-respect.
Teach you how to CONNECT more honestly, vulnerably and authentically than you ever thought possible.

The men in the GG2GM community talk, teach and laugh about this stuff constantly. We eat, sleep and breathe it!

Why? Because it's the most fun way to live.

Transformation your thinking and your relationships with everyone is liberating as hell. It's where true calm, confident, self-respecting masculinity comes from.

That's why I want you to make the choice to join us. Stop reading silly emails all day and deleting them.

Make a "transformational choice" to do something you've never done before.

CHOICE #1:

Reach out for a mind-blowing, deep dive, FREE personal coaching consultation at this moment. Click HERE for the application. We'll respond with a person video! This one session will teach you what "transformed thinking" is all about.

CHOICE #2

Join the men of the GG2GM Men's Roundtable and our 3 monthly Zoom meetings and 24/7 online support group. These are the kindest, wisest and most caring men I know.

CHOICE #3

Accept our free offer of the first and incredibly important Module from our How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb course.

There are over 500 men who have bought this course and are finding peace, courage, strength, clarity and confidence like they have never known in their life.

The "bomb" that must first be defused is the one in your chest.

It's the fearful, anxious, angry feeling in your chest that is making you THINK all the wrong thoughts, SAY all the wrong words, and DO all the wrong behaviors.

If you want to feel some relief and get some specific coaching on how to change all that, then simply say "Yes" to this offer.

You have 7 days to dive into the Module I and see for yourself.

We will give you some support along the way each day. And we want you to send us a personal email when you're done to ask anything you want. We will reply personally.

Click the link below to get started. We're in there waiting for you.

Lotta love, brother,

Steve

************

Please know you are always in control of your subscription to this newsletter and the use of your email address. You signed yourself up and you can “unsign” yourself anytime you please by clicking the “Unsubscribe” link at the bottom of this email. I will always respect your privacy and personal data. You may email me directly if you ever have any questions or concerns about the use of your personal information.

Steven Horsmon

550 Drake Ranch Rd., Livermore, CO 80536, USA

Unsubscribe | Change Subscriber Options