When it comes to standing in your kitchen poised to have a heated debate, argument or deploy a defensive manuever, there are TWO IMPORTANT REMINDERS I want to give you.
These are the things I wish someone had told me about 30 years ago.
#1 - "You're not at work honey! And I'm not your employee!"
Ever hear that one or something similar? Yep, me too.
In short, this means to STOP TREATING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR WIFE LIKE ANOTHER PROBLEM YOU CAN SOLVE.
Problem solving mode is the opposite of CONNECTION MODE!
And if you're truly serious about wanting to create more connection, affection and mutual respect, you'll have to leave all of your work tactics at work.
This means listening for understanding more.
This means allowing her to vent, rant, dump her worries on you as if she sees you as the safest harbor for sharing her stuff.
This means doing your OWN WORK on those silly little triggers and insecurities that launch you into Perry Mason mode as you defend yourself over stupid sh*t.
Insecurity shows up as loud and defensive.
Confidence shows up as quiet and open-hearted.
Once you become more secure in your emotions, you can always
choose the latter of those two.
#2 - "I want things like they were in the beginning! We just don't connect anymore."
I'm betting this has come up as well.
We all know that the "honeymoon period" is incredibly EASY. It's so simple and relaxed. Neither of you can do anything wrong. Your little quirks are seen as "charming" and "unique".
Some people believe that's just immaturity and innocence. They think when you "grow up" you'll see all those things in a better light.
Unfortunately, most of us see all that stuff in a very bad light. And we end up weaponizing those faults whenever it's convenient. We LOSE OUR SENSE OF GRACE and replace it with doubt and distrust.
What if it's really true that you both have actually become more insecure, more immature and more jaded as your relationship has worn on?
What if it's really true that the normal, natural state of your THINKING toward each other was in the beginning - BEFORE YOU BOTH BECAME FEARFUL AND DISTRUSTFUL?
What would happen over the next 48 hours of your life if you allowed your thinking to return to that graceful, trusting innocence?
What if you decided to see the little annoyances as "charming" again?
What if you simply decided to assume the best and automatically give everyone the benefit of the doubt?
Just 48 hours. I dare you to try. Use your well-honed integrity and strength for "good instead of eeeevviill".
And I can guarantee that both strangers and your wife will reflect back something you haven't seen in a long time.
*****
These emails are meant to give you tremendous VALUE.
I want you to feel the power of getting just ONE AMAZING INSIGHT. I want you to smile when you see how things change when you change.
This is exactly the value of coaching. We do it because we love helping you succeed. And, selfishly, we love how it helps us be clear and consistent in our own lives.
If you want to take the BEST DIVORCE COURSE FOR MEN, How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is exactly what you want. Nine hours of coaching plus a lifetime membership in our active online community of over 400
men.
And if you want the live comaraderie of other men THREE TIMES each month, you must join us in the GG2GM Men's Roundtable. It's a community forum as well as three
90-minute live coaching calls per month.
Make just ONE step in the direction you want to go. The step after
will be revealed. That's kinda how life works.
