Hey,
I give a lot of advice that seems to make no damn sense.
Guys are usually raring to do something...anything... when their wife starts acting a little squirrelly and wanting some space and independence.
And when it comes to a certain question, I always get resistance until the client actually implements the advice.
What's the question?
How in the world can I get her back if I don't talk to her?!?!
The problem is always the same.
He wants MUCH more than just to "talk to her".
He wants to know every single thought she has. He wants an explanation for every little reaction. He wants clear and specific instructions on exactly what he needs to do NOW in order to get things back in order.
Not tomorrow. Right now, dammit.
*****
Counter-Intuitive Coaching
My immediate advice is to breathe - very deeply - about 10 times.
The next 5 steps are:
1. Release the drag and let some line out. (immediately stop the fight)
2. Listen more than you talk...even if she isn't talking.
3. Stop seeing her as a horrible, disloyal person who wants to hurt you. See deeper into her fear and anger - it's not all about you.
4. Find a high quality friend/mentor you can confide in now and spend some time with.
5. Stay present, available, responsive and engaged. Don't run off angry or make any rash decisions.
It's SO tempting to want to FIX this now. You want information. You want feedback. You want to fix the KNOT in your stomach trying to tell you that you just might die.
Here's the truth. You're not going to die.
In fact, if you can just settle down long enough to get your head on straight, you'll realize that you're going to be just fine.
We teach men how to "stay in their lane" so they can stop over-reacting.
This is the perfect time to learn how to be more calm, courageous and confident as you face these tests in life.
I talk about it more in this video.
