Are you Being Too Needy? (or too independent?)

Published: Sun, 12/05/21

Hey,

How do you know if you're being too needy?

You know...smothering, joined at the hip, invasive, pestering and insecure. I remember those days well.

And how do you know if you're being too independent?

You know...detached, selfish, distant, inattentive, dismissive, self-absorbed and asshole-ish. I remember those days well too.

The problem is that it's EASY for us to fall into either of those modes if we're not awake and aware. And nothing good happens when that happens.

That's what this email and video are all about.

I want to help you become more aware of who you are being so you can better create what you really want.

In the video I explain these two circles. One circle is you and the other circle is your lady.

That shaded football zone is your relationship.

How do you show up there? Do you feel confident, secure and healthy? Do you two openly share feelings and ideas without fear or taking things personally? Is it generally a calm, loving SAFE place?

Or does it feel scary, frustrating, dark and uncertain? Is there more conflict than conversation? More doubt than adoration? Is it generally a tense, cold and unsafe place?

The fancy words therapists use to talk about this stuff are "codependence", "independence" and "interdependence".

If we want to create a calm, loving and safe interdependent relationship we must learn to become confident, secure and healthy INDEPENDENT men.

Without a healthy frame of independence we will always look outside of ourselves for well-being. We will beg for attention and affection. And we will be a smothering source of insecurity in our relationships.

That's what co-dependence can feel like. When those circles eclipse each other you become wholly dependent on the other person to make you OKAY. And the outcome ain't pretty.

Learn more about it this video. I explain what healthy independence looks like and WHY it's so important to a healthy relationship.

How to be independent without being a selfish asshole

If you just implement ONE THING from this email try this.

When you're together with your sweetheart this weekend...just pay attention. Turn off all distractions in your head and in your hands.

Listen. Make eye contact. Try harder to understand than trying to be understood. Be more interested than trying to be interesting. Say "Tell me more" when she stops talking.

In other words, be a calm, confident independent man who can be present without NEEDING anything. Lead with generosity. Lead with positive thoughts.

If nothing else happens, YOU will feel better about YOU...and that usually improves things overall.

Some guys find this stuff impossible. It can be ridiculously hard when your head is in the wrong place.

How do you get it in the right place?

The only way I know to keep a man in a consistent, clear-headed and emotionally strong place is to surround him with men like that.

I'm talking about men just like you. Intelligent, emotionally aware, strong willed, process focused, results oriented...and, probably, a ridiculously hopeless romantic.

It's hilarious how romantically minded this tribe is and I'm the #1 unapologetic leader.

We gather together in our popular Goodguys2Greatmen Men's Roundtable. We meet 3 times per month for 90-mintues each time. The camaraderie is brotherly and strong. And the encouragement is off the charts. Click here to learn more and join us.

The bonus is getting ALL of the last couple of years recordings from all of our live meetings. Most guys treat these like powerful podcasts to re-center and re-ground themselves whenever they need it.

Are you the type of man who would prefer a private, one-on-one coaching consultation? Do you want to dive into the personal story and details behind your frustration? Want to be listened to like nobody has ever listened to you before?

Then ask us to schedule a "2x4 of Clarity" private coaching consultation to help you see if personal coaching is a fit for you.

Men tell us these hour long calls are more valuable than a year's worth of marriage counseling!

Lotta love, brother,

Steve

*****

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