Question:
My wife and I haven’t slept in the same bed for 9 months and haven’t had sex in about the same. We are friendly and great at being roommates. How do I break the rut and bring the passion and intimacy back into our lives?
Answer:
This question seems to always trigger another question from me.
Do you really want passion and intimacy or do you want sex?
I lived for years inside a relationship where I constantly confused those two desires as being one in the same.
Having sex was exactly what I meant when I said I wanted "intimacy".
It took some guidance, education and clarity to realize something important.
While those two things are related, they are not the same.
They can also mean entirely two different things for men and women.
I think a passionate, sexual relationship is an enjoyable and fulfilling by-product of an intimate, connected and trusting relationship.
Making love to her mind and heart comes before making love to her body.
So how do you start making love to your wife TODAY?
You start by planting seeds today. (come on now guys, head out of the gutter)
Seriously, I had to remind myself of this last Sunday. I was going through a rut in an area of my life. I wanted change…and wanted it NOW.
I had a moment of clarity when I figured out that for me to feel empowered I needed to take immediate action for a better outcome in the future.
I planted some seeds.
I took a small step in the “making love” direction and then set my course for watering and nurturing its growth during the coming week.
To answer the question specifically for you, I would need to know your wife and what she desires. I would need to get to know her better.
Hey! That’s a great place for you to start today! Go get to know her again.
In my experience the women in my life love to express themselves. They love to be heard. They love to be appreciated and they love the feeling
of being seen.
That’s the love you create today.
Today, temporarily set aside your need for sex and set out to simply give from your masculine gifts and give them without reservation or obligation.
Sow the seeds of curiosity, appreciation and admiration. These are your gifts to give.
If that doesn’t feel right to you, what do YOU have to GIVE her today?
Stop seeing making love as something you get and start seeing it as something you GIVE.
You can then make love anytime you want...any minute of every day.
The consistency of planting those seeds everyday and nurturing their growth may lead you to the harvest of a passionate, sexual relationship or they may not. I know for a fact that if you do nothing it will lead you to nothing.
Warning from my own experience: If you plant those seeds and then proceed to demand it to grow faster you will take a big piss on your crop and ruin it. There is a long growth cycle in front of you. Your power lies in planting and watering...not in standing over the field demanding it to
grow.
How do you start in your unique situation to make love today?
It can be as simple as locking eyes with her while feeling inside your heart the appreciation you have for her beauty and grace.
Then do it again tonight and again tomorrow. Have fun with making love every day.
Thoughts From The Woodshop
A new client came in with a broken cabinet door we didn’t build originally. We were busy - it’s not something that we get rich on - but we fixed it for them. They appreciated it.
A couple of weeks later they came in again with a drawer that needed some repairing and some new drawer slides. We helped them out again and sent them on their way satisfied.
A couple of months later, they walked in the front door again, this time with a set of plans in their hands. They were building a new house. Turns out we fixed the problems they had in the house they just sold. They were now building their dream home on a lake property their family has owned for
decades.
We sowed the seeds of care, honesty, and quality work when we did those small repairs for them. They trusted us now. They trusted us with their dream home project.
Our deeply held, consistent core business values guide us as a company on how to treat each customer...big or small.
Every day we choose to plant these seeds with our customers we set up our company for future growth and fulfillment. What we do today influences our direction, which influences our destination.
