Woodshop Wisdom: My Wife Gives Me No Attention or Affection...What now??

Published: Mon, 08/09/21

Welcome back, brother,

This is our weekly Woodshop Wisdom email where we answer specific questions from men in our Goodguys2Greatmen community.

My name is Matt Epsky from central Minnesota. As a senior member in the community and coach in training, I pick the question of the week and give you some insights and challenges that can change your perspective and your approach.

As I've discovered in running my own custom cabinet shop, these insights will end up helping you in every single facet of your life.

Better man, better father, better partner and a better leader!

Let's get started.

Question:

I am getting no affection or love from my wife. I know what you're going to say...that I must learn first how to create that for myself. What does this look like and where do I start?

Answer:

If you are anything like me, I felt lonely, depressed and sad when I was lacking affection and loving attention from my wife.

I wanted her love so bad.

I remember sitting alone on the couch ruminating in my own misery praying she would come downstairs, sit on my lap and plant a huge, wet, adoring kiss right on my lips.

For some reason she didn’t want to attend my pity party for one.

That loving kiss never came.

So, this is what I did next...finally…after taking far to long to figure it out.

I developed trusting relationships with men.

(Book: Tool #8 - Hold On To Your N.U.T.S. by Wayne Levine)

First, I decided I HAD TO STOP THE DISTRACTIONS IN MY LIFE.

This is a very, very important first step!

Whether it was TV, video games, alcohol or any number of things that numbed my mind long enough for me to fall asleep and wake up to do it again.

Second, I picked up the phone and called a MALE friend.

Yes, I said MALE in capital letters.

The best thing I did to wake up and ignite the fire within my soul was to reach out to a trusted man and let him know what I was going through.

We had our first conversation playing darts and drinking a couple of cold beers (just a couple!) It was fun and engaging.

Not once did I think about the “missing affection” from my wife. It didn’t even cross my mind in those two hours we spent hashing out guy stuff.

For some reason I suddenly didn’t need my woman to validate my feelings or caress my fragile ego.

Spending time with a buddy realigned me and refocused me.

He called me on my bulls%$t and told me the truth.

He supported me so I didn’t need to burden my wife by having her as my only source of support.

He understood me as only another man can.

If you are wondering where to start or how to begin your journey of self reliance.

Find an initiated man who has walked the path you see before you, pick up a phone (yes, the thing you stare into 6 hours a day is also a phone), and CALL him.

Then go have some fun, talk, and laugh again.

(Bonus – your wife will notice your renewed spirit and get very curious. But dang it, don’t do it for that reason. Do it for you.)

Thoughts From The Woodshop

This happened today.

It energized me and lit a fire under my ass.

Fast forward to this evening - My gal asked over the phone, “Why are you so energetic tonight?”

I told her, “I got to spend my day working alongside one of my best friends.”

He is a wood floor installer (the best in the 5-state area) who is buried under a mountain of work right now. He’s also a one-man pony show and needs help from time to time. He calls me when things get dire.

I love helping him. I work my ass off for him, get sweaty, and dirty, and break my back hammering out whatever task he needs done the most.

The only “problem” with our productivity is we stop to talk about women, children, families and work. It’s the best.

We support each other, understand each other, and laugh our asses off.

There is nothing better to invigorate a man’s soul than working side-by-side doing hard labor and having meaningful conversation.

Try it. It will boost your mojo and leave you feeling pleasantly exhausted.

I love that dude. I ain’t afraid to say it.

Here’s a picture of the floor we worked on today. It’s 6,500 square feet of white oak in a boathouse for antique wooden boats. 😊

Where to go from here?

I see you man. I see that you are ready to engage, you are ready to create something new. I see that you are ready to pick up the tools we have available and get back to building something in your life that is beautiful, impactful, and meaningful. I look forward to seeing it!

Most of us men spend a lot of time in our heads. We have conversations with ourselves but never show that thinking and feeling side to anyone else.

We want to help you fix that.

We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.

We hear it all the time.

“Get out of my head dude! How did you know exactly what’s going on in my kitchen!”

Our free discovery calls are not like anything you might imagine.

This is NOT a sales pitch.

This is NOT “taster session”.

This is a deep dive into your scariest and most vulnerable thoughts. And we require you plan for at least a full hour to connect.

Why do we do it this way?

Simple.

We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.

If you want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.

First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.

Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation.

And if you want to send Matt Epsky a personal message about this Q&A email, you can email him at matt@goodguys2greatmen.com

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P.S. The Grounded Man Golf Retreat in Utah has a couple of spots left. Matt Epsky, Dennis Collins and Steve Horsmon want YOU to join us. Don't worry about your golfing skills! That's just a side show for the main event of connecting, collaborating and creating Version 2.0 of YOU. Go HERE NOW to register. You deserve this.

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