Question:
My girlfriend/wife is so damn independent and feisty, I feel like she doesn’t even need me. How should I think about this and stop feeling so insecure about it? How should I respond to her?
Answer:
It's so funny you should ask! I started dating a woman a short time ago. Recently, she caught me off guard when she blurted, “I don’t need a man.”
Then she went on for about 2–3 minutes describing her independence and take-charge attitude until I stopped her.
“Hey, pause there for a second. I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t need you either. I’m fully capable of handling myself. Here’s the deal though...I want to be with you. I like spending time with you. Also, one of the things I find sexy about you is your independence and feistiness. I saw you get all heated up about work and
then watch as you crushed the problem. It was very attractive. Now, if you want to join me in a relationship where we respect and hold space for each other’s individuality, I would love for you to create that with me.”
Silence.
I didn’t say one word after my declaration.
And then, from the other end of the phone a long sigh, “Oh my, whew, you know just what to say. How many times have you used that line?”
“That was the first time. I know what I want.”
(there was a high pitched squeal followed by) “Matthew!...”
Yes, this was over the phone. But I want you to picture this attitude. My one hand was on the steering wheel, doing the driving. The other hand placed comfortably on her inner thigh. That’s the mindset I want you to have.
It is a mindset grounded firmly in your values combined with knowing exactly what you desire.
A mindset like that creates clarity, action, and direction.
It will lead you to have easy conversations that are kind, playful, and fun.
Join us in September for the 2021 Grounded Man Golf Retreat with myself and Coach Dennis Collins. And Steve Horsmon will also be there to help you get “grounded” in your confidence. If you haven't been to a retreat yet, make this one your first!
https://www.manoflegacy.org/2021-grounded-man-golf-retreat
Thoughts From The Woodshop
I spent many years reacting to each phone call that came in. Each one more important than the last. Each call an emergency that needed to be handled.
I spent my days putting out the hottest fires and greasing the squeakiest wheel. I chased my tail never quite catching it.
Until the day I took back control over my schedule by creating a value around it.
I will not allow external circumstances dictate how my time is spent.
It sounds easy right? It wasn’t though for me.
I struggled with prioritizing.
I placed trying to please others ahead of any desires I had.
I had to clearly define what I wanted. I had to literally write it down as a rule I hold myself accountable to.
It worked.
When I find myself torqued off for feeling like I must run around fixing each so-called emergency I remind myself that I am simply living against my defined values around time management.
It is a clear and easy decision to align myself back up with my values and take a different action.
If I am angry and upset, it only means I am living outside of my values.
My defined values are where my clarity comes from.
Where to go from here?
I see you man. I see that you are ready to engage, you are ready to create something new. I see that you are ready to pick up the tools we have available and get back to building something in your life that is beautiful, impactful, and meaningful. I look forward to seeing it!
Most of us men spend a lot of time in our heads. We have conversations with ourselves but never show that thinking and feeling side to anyone else.
We want to help you fix that.
We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.
We hear it all the time.
“Get out of my head dude! How did you know exactly what’s going on in my kitchen!”
Our free discovery calls are not like anything you might imagine.
This is NOT a sales pitch.
This is NOT “taster session”.
This is a deep dive into your scariest and most vulnerable thoughts. And we require you plan for at least a full hour to connect.
Why do we do it this way?
Simple.
We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.
If you want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.
First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.
Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation.
And if you want to send Matt Epsky a personal message about this Q&A email, you can email him at matt@goodguys2greatmen.com