Attractive Desire vs Neediness
Saturday morning was sunny and warm.
Matthew felt optimistic.
His goal was to finish painting the outside of his house if the
weather held out.
Within the hour, his wife Amy would be home from working a graveyard shift.
They planned to spend the morning at a coffee shop
together.
Crazy work schedules made them ghosts in passing the last ten days.
Matthew was feeling particularly horny this morning.
The thought of getting all tangled up with Amy before they left for
coffee made him smile.
Just then, Amy walked in the door.
She walked past Matthew without a word.
He followed her into the bedroom where she let out a loud sigh.
Mathew walked up behind her, wrapped his arms around her and started to grope.
Amy stepped away.
She went into the bathroom and closed the door.
About 30 minutes later, they were both sitting at a table in the coffee shop.
Matthew was feeling a little annoyed sex didn't happen that
morning.
Amy was very quiet.
Matthew tried filling the dead space by talking about his plans to finish the painting.
He stopped talking when he noticed a tear running down Amy's
face.
"Why are you crying?”, Matthew asked, setting his coffee down.
Amy looked into the
distance. “Come on, Matthew, you should know me well enough I shouldn’t have to say”.
Matthew replayed the whole morning in his head.
What clues had he
missed?
Amy broke the silence, "I need you to care about me.”
The tone in her voice matched
her cold untouched coffee.
Matthew was stumped and slightly put off.
He felt he did care about
Amy.
Hadn't he just tried to have sex with her an hour prior?
Why did she feel he didn't care about her?
"Maybe you just need to get
some sleep”, Matthew suggested.
Amy shook her head as if she couldn’t believe what she just heard.
"I don't need you
to tell me what to do”, She replied, blowing her nose into a tissue and wiping her cheeks.
Mathew’s patience was thin.
His thoughts
were, "This is BS!"
Matthew folded his arms, determined to set the record straight.
"Well I do care
about you so I don't know what your problem is”.
As these words landed on Amy’s ears, she turned her face away, sobbing.
*****
(Pro-tip: Saying "I
hear you. What else are you feeling?" is all Matthew needed to say in this conversation. Female speech is a weather report of her emotions, not a concluding statement)
*****
>>> Fast-forward to that
evening.
Matthew was in the shower.
He was feeling happy.
The house painting had gone great!
He couldn't ignore his horniness though.
It drove him crazy all day!
He tried not to think about the prior experience with Amy at the coffee shop.
She'd been sleeping most of the day.
In fact, she was in bed now.
With the lights dimmed, he got out of the shower and walked over to their bed in a towel.
He slipped under the sheets and started making out with
her.
She hardly responded.
Matthew pleaded, "Come on, Amy, I'm going to sleep like shit tonight if we don't have sex"
Amy let out the loud sigh Matthew had
grown to resent.
"Ok fine, just do your thing", she mumbled.
This was the kind of sex they had been having
lately.
Matthew didn't like it.
Neither did Amy.
What Matthew didn't understand was his need to
relieve his horniness was all Amy could feel from him at that moment.
Your wife doesn't want to be a mommy for your needs.
She wants to feel your desire for
her.
Your desire to:
- Connect with where
she is and not need to make sense of it
- See her mood as a window for connection, not a dead end
- Lead her out of her
head and into her body
- Mirror her feelings back to her so she feels understood
- Value her dreams,
perspectives, desires and ambitions
Sexual Neediness Is Like Mosquitoes
Years back, I hiked to a remote lake before sunrise to bass fish from shore.
I imagined I would cast a line in for a few hours then swim and soak up some sun.
As the sun rose, the bass started
biting!
Then something else started biting.
Mosquitoes.
Millions of them.
I tried to cover up every inch of my body.
My bare hand on the reel was getting slaughtered.
All desire to rip my shirt off and enjoy the sunshine were gone even though sunshine is something I enjoy.
That's what it's like for your wife.
She always has the proper juices to desire physical intimacy with you.
But when she's being bombarded with your
need to..
- Be "right"
- "Get off"
- Know "why??"
- Be "chosen"
- Have her "get clear"
...You're assaulting her with mosquitos. (Then we wonder why her body isn't responding to our touch)
4 Tips To Resolving Sexual Neediness
Sexual neediness is resolved when you have a mission in life that is greater then your wife and family.
You need all the balls you have to face big scary fears and create what others only dare to dream.
Here are 4 more tips:
- Learn to sit with your feelings. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you have to do anything with it. Tell your wife "wow I'm horny today!" then go do something you love.
- Channel your sexual
energy into expressions of love for others. Write your mom a love note and mail it. Call your dad and tell him you appreciate him. Strike up a conversation with a stranger who seems down. If you're doing these things for everyone, when you do it for your wife it won't feel like pressure for sex.
- Transmute your sexual
energy. Imagine a tube is hooked to your balls. Breathe your sexual energy "up" the tub on the inhale. Let the energy clear your mind and brighten your eyes. You're a king in this life with a realm to build. Face the difficult conversation. Confront what needs confronting. Be a potent male.
- Use orgasm to
manifest. If your semen tension builds to the point you have to let some out in the shower, use it as a powerful way to manifest what you want. Your brain is hitting some high vibes at the point of orgasm. Any affirmations or feelings you're focusing on at that point will be burned into your subconscious. The process is the same when you have sex with your partner. Use orgasm to cement beliefs about yourself and the amazing life you're creating deep into your
psyche.
Hunger, intimacy, sleep, connection, and fun experiences are all normal things your body needs to feel good.
There's nothing wrong with having needs.
The key is to think differently about your
needs.
You came into this world alone and you will leave this world alone.
Any care-taking you get along the way is just a
bonus.
An attractive man is self-reliant in managing his own needs.
Your Next Step You Can't Afford To Miss
Men are leveling up into being the man they always knew they could be in my "Married Man's Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course". Just listen to what they are saying in this encouraging
video.
You won't get this kind of transformation by reading newsletters. Click HERE to join an amazing group of men. Registration Ends November 1st.
*****
