6 Dangerously Effective Marriage-Saving Secrets (Part Two)

Published: Mon, 10/17/22

My name is Garrett Prettyman. I'm a Goodguys2Greatmen certified coach and this is the second in my series of SIX dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. I help extraordinary men create long-lasting love, deeper connection, intimacy, respect, and authentic affection through personalized masculine confidence coaching. These secrets are field-tested. They'll bring lasting positive change in your relationships.

Secret #2: Pressure - The Silent And Deadly Marriage-Killer (Click HERE to see Secret #1)

Tom's head was spinning.

The last 20 minutes with his wife Jessica had gone horribly wrong.

They were on a quick weekend vacation.

She seemed a little "off" at the hotel that morning.

On the drive home, something imploded in her.

"I don't feel appreciated or loved by you...I need you to give me more verbal affirmation", Jessica complained.

Tom thought to himself, "Well if you want to be told you're sweet maybe you should act sweet".

Even though he didn't say this out loud, Jessica could sense his critical thoughts.

"But I do love you. Just look at all I do for us to have a nice house and dependable income. I'm always nice to you and have never hit you or done anything abusive", Tom argued.

"You never kiss me unless we're having sex", Jessica snapped back.

Lately, this was true.

Jessica had put on a few pounds.

She had been getting more cranky and moody.

Tom didn't like it.

He felt kisses and praise would be rewarding her behaviors he didn't like.

He tried to spin the blame back on her.

Tom said, "Ok fine. I'll stop kissing during sex if you don't like it."

"That's not the point. Just, never mind. You never get it!!", she replied.

Jessica was crying now. She turned away and refused to talk.

Tom felt stumped.

Now what?

I know firsthand how frustrating it feels when you genuinely don't know what to do next.

There were many points in my marriage when I didn't know what was happening.

My wife would spiral out, and I couldn't make any sense of it.

I was oblivious to how I had been adding pressure to the relationship.

I explain 3 things you can do today (before dinner) to remove pressure from your wife in this video.

(Part 2) 6 Dangerously Effective Marriage-Saving Secrets

Why Pressure Ruins Marriages

Behind Tom's responses and explanations were common marriage-killing forms of pressure.

Jessica could feel Tom's:

Disapproval of her emotions
Withholding praise as "punishment"
Responses not to understand her, but to gather data to fix the problem
Need for her to not be "out of sorts"
Attempt to make her feel like it was all her fault

To women, these hidden agendas feel like external pressure to conform.

Force anything (animal or human) to do something and you'll get the same result: Resistance.

External pressure = Bad (women run from this).

Internal pressure = Good (Women make positive changes from this).

When a woman feels her own internal pressure, she makes positive changes because she wants to.

3 Things You Can Do Right Now To Build Internal (Good) Pressure In Your Wife

Let go of trying to resolve your wife's objections. Think of the female brain like a pot. She's been collecting bits and pieces in this pot for a while. At some point, she realizes the brew stinks. She'll pull one piece out and say that is why the pot stinks. Truth is, it's a combination of many pieces... So whether she's complaining about the car needing to be washed, your love language, or the way you laughed, her issue is not with that specific thing. All Tom needed to say was: "I understand. Tell me more". That response leads her back to herself.
Treat your wife like she already is who you want her to be. The bar for our wife's behavior is set by praising her before she's reached it. This concept is hard for men to grasp. Want a wife who is sweet and kind? Praise her for being sweet and kind. Want a loving affectionate wife? Praise her for loving. When you demonstrate this kind of high regard for her, she grows towards it. Tom could have removed external pressure by removing his critical comments, expressions, and thoughts. With this release, she would have felt internal pressure to change instead of external pressure to conform.
Stop attaching your sense of well-being to how she's feeling. Tom needed to realize his feelings (like confusion and frustration) were not coming from his wife. They were coming from his thoughts and expectations about his wife. Our wife can always smell what we think. When a man's face, body, voice, and swagger is relaxed in his sense of self-worth, he isn't bothered when his wife is "having a moment". He can remain present in a strong, loving way. When you provide this kind of emotional leadership, she will sift through all the smelly pieces in her "pot" and get them sorted on her own. In the end, you're still there. You're calm. You're "with her". Women need this unique masculine gift to flow into a soft, yummy, feminine state. You can lead your wife to a higher bar by being it yourself first.

Your Next Steps To Removing Pressure (The Silent And Deadly Marriage Killer)

There's an effective process I take men through.

You:

Unplug from your wife's moods and plug into solid men
Get an upgraded mental-map
See new perspectives
Become a happy, confident, emotionally-online man
Get solid in your values and hold to your integrity
know what you want and how to create it (very important)

You become the kind of man who can lead a woman through her emotions with ease.

These are the results of being in my "Married Man's Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course". Join this amazing group of men now! Registration Ends November 1st.

Tom went on assuming his wife was crazy and continued to criticize her reactions.

Jessica ended up leaving him.

This was the wake-up call Tom needed to finally get some help.

Having mentorship from an experienced man changed everything forward for Tom.

He became the man he always knew he could be.

He created amazing relationships going forward.

Transform your relationship with your lover (new or old) like Tom did.

So, where do you go from here? (a note from Steve Horsmon)

The odds are you are a really good guy. You want to be proud of the man you are being and you want your relationship with your wife to be better, but if you could have worked this problem out on your own, you would have done it by now.

At this point we always ask you, "What do you really want?"

It's one of the hardest questions for men to answer. Why?

It seems as if we've been programmed to be afraid of saying what we want!

Only a total jerk would clearly, plainly and unapologetically say out loud what he really wants for himself and his life...right?

Wrong. In fact, if you don't decide to clearly state what you want and go after it, nobody else will do it for you.

We send you these emails to stimulate your thinking and to stir your emotions. That's the first step to taking the lead in your life.

If this email jolted your thinking...or if it tugged at your heart, then you are being called to stand up and do something.

We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.

Simple.

We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.

If you do want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.

First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.

Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation. Plan for at least ONE HOUR. I guarantee you will happy you did.

And if you want to send Garrett Prettyman a personal message about this email, you can email him at Garrett@garrettprettymancoaching.com

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