The following story is about a man who couldn't handle his wife's moods or emotions. Being wishy-washy around your wife creates a painful "drama loop". A grounded, confident husband nips the "drama loop" in the bud.
The Negative
Effects Of Being Indirect
Gerald felt torn.
He and his wife Susan were soaking in the hot tub.
Susan's question lingered in the
air.
Her eyes fixed on Gerald.
She wanted an answer.
Gerald didn't know what to say...
He knew if he spoke plainly, all hell would break loose from Susan.
He also knew his tactics of tiptoeing around her questions had been getting under her skin lately.
Gerald dreaded a side of Susan.
A side he called "the dragon".
Gerald never admitted this term to Susan.
He didn't have to.
She instinctively knew he thought of her this way.
Susan's "dragon" was a cold, dismissive,
angry, moody personality that usually surfaced around her period.
For years, Gerald had managed to keep Susan's "dragon" asleep by not disturbing the peace when she was on edge.
He had become a black-belt master of adjusting his responses based on how he felt she would take them.
Susan wasn't the only one who Gerald used this tactic with.
Customers, family members, in-laws... Gerald could smooth over anything with anyone.
Being
Wishy-Washy Creates The Painful "Drama Loop”
Over the last few months, Gerald's wishy-washy behavior made Susan feel very unsupported in the marriage.
Her complaints were:
- I don't feel
supported
- You don't stand
up for people
- I can't trust
you
- I don't feel
heard
- You don't
understand me
As Gerald and Susan sat in the hot tub, Gerald opened his mouth to speak.
Susan immediately sensed he was going to "walk on eggshells".
She stopped him mid-sentence.
Susan: "See! You always do this!!"
Gerald tried to backpedal with a logical excuse.
Susan: "Just tell me, did you or did you not tell your mom exactly why we won't be going to their place for Thanksgiving?"
Gerald knew
he hadn't been direct with his mom... He didn't want to piss her off!
He had given his mom a list of excuses why they wouldn't be there for the holiday.
He tried to explain himself then Susan cut him off again:
"I'm done. I'm done with you never having any backbone... I'm done having this same conversation over and
over...I don't even feel like I can stay in this relationship"
A man who is not in his masculine power rides the drama loop of women in his life.
I lived this way most of my marriage.
It
sucked.
The loop felt like a confusing, illogical, no-win rollercoaster.
There's a highly effective process to stopping the drama loop.
I teach this process to men every day and
personally use it in my own life.
I teach you how to stay in your own "lane" when drama strikes.
You're cool.
You're safe.
You're loving but firm.
Without this
masculine "containment" women feel they don't have a champion in their corner and you feel like you're walking on eggshells.
How To Stop
Being Wishy-Washy Around Your Wife
When your wife asks if you liked the movie you both watched, do you leave your answer vague or open-ended?
Do you wait to see if she likes it first?
Stop trying to control her
responses by adjusting your opinions!
Ask yourself these 3 questions to resolve your tendency to beat around the bush:
- What am I secretly trying to gain by tiptoeing around my wife?
- What am I fearing will happen if I speak my truth plainly?
- How would I address people if I trusted my intentions more than others' interpretation of them.
There was an underlying issue behind Gerald's wishy-washy actions.
He thought other people's emotions were his to manage.
On a deeper level, he trusted others' perspectives of his actions more than his own intentions.
That's a perfect recipe for insecurity and neediness.
Imagine your wife is trying to dribble a
basketball.
The basketball is her feminine energy.
Your masculine energy is the floor.
When the ball hits your firmness, she can dribble the ball.
When the ball hits something soft, her need for safety highjacks her brain.
A female's sexual desire
goes offline without safety.
She needs to feel your firmness to feel safe.
Here's a better response Gerald could have used with his wife:
"No honey, I wasn't very direct with my mom. I'm going to grab a water. Would you
like one?"
Or...
"I didn't want to tell my mom why we won't be there. You're cute when you get all concerned. What are you feeling right
now?"
Gerald's hot tub experience was a turning point. He found a mentor and addressed his deeper issues. He penetrates life now. He creates attractive safety with the women in his life by being direct and not afraid of how
people take it. That's the magic of doing this work. Your relationships with your mom, sister, aunt, or daughter all fall in place when you become a man who is no longer wishy-washy around your wife.
Your Next Step To Breaking
Wishy-Washy Behaviors
Being wishy-washy around your wife won't stop until you're unshakably confident in yourself.
You need men of integrity who ask deep questions to challenge your thinking. Men who have your back when you need to vent or get a new perspective.
