Here is the fifth idea and how it can be applied to you.

Concept #5:

 "Happiness is a by-product of a self-reliant, productive, creative way of life. The individual who has not learned to be happy single has just as little chance being happy in marriage. It can never be an escape from responsibility into which infantile adults can flee from self-development. Those who have the begging attitude will find the pickings poor in marriage. Beggars never get rich or happy. The marriage partner is not to be recruited as a baby-sitter for an infantile adult."

Are you a man who:

• Can't imagine being happy without being married?
• Fears dying alone?
• Feeds off ANY attention he can get from his wife?

 Are you happy brother?

If not, why not? 

Many men I work with report they struggle to be happy and they often blame their wife for it.

Yet, we all have access to happiness whenever we want it.

We are always only one thought away from happiness. 

But first, lets start with how do you define happiness? 

The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes it like this:

HAPPINESS - Noun

Definition of happiness:

a) A state of well-being and contentment

b) A pleasurable or satisfying experience

Most people would agree with this definition. However there are actually two ways to think about happiness. 

The first is to say that it is the opposite of sadness. 

If we accept this then we can create a very simple formula to create more happiness. 

An absence of sadness = happiness

But this is problematic because it leads us to avoiding sadness at all costs. 

We shy away from anything that makes us feel sad in the hope of maintaining our happiness. 

Sadness feels horrible and naturally we learn to avoid things that make us feel this way. 

So begins our journey of seeking things that make us feel good without realising there is no guarantee they will make us happy.

Generally when we feel pleasure, we experience it is a distraction from sadness. This distraction from sadness can convince us that there is an absence of it.

Men who have fallen victim to this logic are the ones who believe that if only they were having more sex or getting more affection from their wives everything would be great again.

They can't imagine being happy not getting what they want. 

However there is one flaw in this logic. Pleasure does NOT equate happiness. It isn't even a guaranteed path towards it.

Just ask any drug addict about this!

There are countless accounts of people who drown themselves in pleasure in an endless pursuit of happiness only to discover their appetites are never satisfied. 

This leads us to creating a story in our heads that the source of our happiness is somewhere OUTSIDE of us. 

We chase it as if it were a tangible thing that we can hold and lock away that will fix all our problems the moment we find it.

We burden people with being our source of happiness and when they no longer want the responsibility, we panic. 

We become reliant on others for our happiness! 

People on this path also tend to believe that achieving their goals is a reliable source of happiness. 

Sound familiar? 

There is however, a different kind of happiness available to us –  it is the space where ALL of our emotions can co-exist. 

One look at a child before they start separating themselves by the creation of their ego (when they begin to say me, my and mine) reminds us of this.

It is a place that we are ALL born with - and lose connection to - over the course of our lives. 

It is in the one place that no-one wants to look - INSIDE OF US.

Do you remember being happy? 

Can you recall the time BEFORE you started dating your wife?  The time when you didn't have her or the relationship, but instead you had your own life? 

Well, you can be sure she does! 

She remembers it because THAT is the man she fell in love with and was initially attracted to. 

The man that had things to do and passions to pursue. 

He had a life to live and a spark in his eye that was not only attractive but also INSPIRING to her!

She had a sense that this guy didn't NEED her for anything but was with her because he wanted to be. 

The feminine energy in her was drawn to his sense of direction and the promise of joining him on his ride.

Where is THAT man?

If your wife is saying that she is no longer attracted to you and that you have changed; it could be because you HAVE changed and who you changed into relies on her for everything.  Are any of these true for you?

• You can't make decisions without her.
• You can't motivate yourself without her. 
• You can't enjoy yourself without her.

If so, you have become a weight that she is forced to carry while juggling her own dreams and desires. 

This is even more apparent if you have children. You both NEED her to look after you, so what is the difference? 

The difference is that she IS responsible for her kids, and they don't expect her to be their lover as well!

They ARE children. You just act like one.

A man bears the weight of looking after those that he loves - including himself.

How to step back into your masculine strength

1. Find YOUR joy - find YOUR happiness

There must be something that you LOVE doing. 

This can be anything that brings you joy as long as it isn't dependent on a particular person. 

A good way to gauge if something fits the criteria is to recognise if you get lost in doing it. 

If you lose track of time, then you are probably on the right track. 

This is often referred to as FLOW STATE.

NOTE:

Playing video games probably doesn't count! The activity cannot be used as a distraction from any uncomfortable feelings you may be avoiding. 

Musicians, sportsmen and those who partake in complex tasks understand this state. It is the experience of DOING something without thinking about doing it. 

It is those times that your thinking gets out of the way and your intuition takes over. It's when you respond to what is happening in real time without planning it in advance. 

It is the fighter that lets his body respond to his opponent and perform the moves without thinking about it. 

He gets out of his own way and just lets things happen. 

It should come with feelings of INSPIRATION and energization. You should feel more alive and not drained afterwards.

If you have never had anything like this, then you need to seek something out! This may involve leaving your comfort zone and trying new things. 

Sign up for a class that intrigues you or do something that you have never done before. 

Meet new people or learn a new skill. 

2. Practice relying on yourself for EVERYTHING

This is where you start to live as an adult man and not a child that needs his mother to do things for him. 

The truth is that you don't need anybody for anything; that is just a story that you have told yourself. 

An important part of maturing into a man is cultivating the strength to not only support yourself but also offer support to those you care most deeply about. 

You came pre-packaged with everything that you could ever need to live a full and wonderful life. 

Yes, human beings need other human beings to survive - but not specific people. 

It is relationships in general that feed us and not the people in them. This doesn't diminish the importance of those that we love but expands our appreciation of connection to ALL connections. 

This flips a switch inside us from operating from a place of SCARCITY (where everything we want and need is in limited supply) to ABUNDANCE.

Everything you could ever need IS in abundance and as there is only one of you - YOU, my friend, are the scarce resource!

3. BE happy

The men I speak with often say things that allude to their happiness being OUTSIDE of them or some other place they need to find. 

They chase and chase and when they don't get what they want they pout and get upset.

Things change instantly when they BEGIN from a place of happiness. 

As we spoke about before, happiness is NOT pleasure and it is NOT an absence of sadness. 

It is the space where everything can exist. 

If you are happy when entering an exchange with your wife, it is easier to remain detached from her emotions and the outcome.

If you are unhappy and wanting her to make you happy, you increase your chances of leaving disappointed.

This idea is referred to as BE - DO - HAVE.

Most people operate from an OUTSIDE-IN principle. This is to say that they work backwards.

It is common to think that you must HAVE a certain thing or set of things (more money, love, time, experience, etc.), so you can finally DO something important (pursue your passion, start a business, go on vacation, create a relationship, buy a home, etc.), which will then allow you to BE what you truly want in life (peaceful, fulfilled, inspired, generous, in love, etc.). 

When you begin living the other way around, everything can change.

When you choose to BE what you want (peaceful, loving, inspired, abundant, successful, or whatever), then you start DOING things from this state of being – and soon you'll discover that what you're doing ends up bringing you the things you always wanted to HAVE.

Is there a guarantee that this will turn your relationship around? 

No, of course not!  

But I do know that all successful relationships employ a BE - DO - HAVE mindset.

If the mindset you've been using up to this point hasn't been working well, what have you got to lose?

If you want to learn how to change your mindset, become more happy, start saying and doing things differently and start HAVING what you want, then join me along with Coach Garrett Prettyman for our private group training course:

The Married Man's Vital Formula to Masculine Confidence

This is an 8-week live video course for 8 men only.  

Registration ends on August 20, 2022

Click HERE to read the 15 specific learning points we'll be teaching along the journey.  We'll be recording this course for you so you can review the lessons over and over.