If you are, then you know how tiring, confusing and frustrating it is to live this way. Everything feels as though it is out of your control and nothing you do helps.
I've been there, brother.
And the simple truth is you are handing your power over to her and she does NOT want it!
What YOU want is to know that she will always be there to look after you. You are chasing certainty and until you get it you will manipulate and coerce her into meeting your needs. If that doesn't
work, your little boy will react and stamp his feet until he gets what he wants.
Stop chasing certainty.
Chasing certainty is tiring and pointless. It's better to become adaptable and creative in how you handle life's challenges because you have control over how you respond but NOT over what
happens.
What SHE wants is to know you can look after yourself and not need to rely on her for anything.
A man who doesn't need a woman to look after him has the capacity to look after her.
He demands nothing from her other than her showing up as herself. He accepts how she is in each moment.
You might ask, “But why can't I rely on her? Why should SHE relax and not me?”
Because the woman you want to be with IS your wife when she is comfortable, relaxed and expressing her feminine gifts!
At the beginning of your relationship, she didn't have to look after you and chances are that you had your own life to live as well. This is part of what attracted her to you.
Over time, relying on her has worn her down. Add some kids in the mix and it's easy to see how she could mistake you for another child.
Relying on her as a crutch is what a child does with mama.
You are a MAN damn it! (did I mention I might hit a nerve?)
The path to self-reliance begins with taking responsibility for yourself and not burdening others with your issues.
Chasing certainty leads to manipulating and controlling things around you in order to "feel" more secure in the world.
A habit of manipulating others in order to have your needs met shows a degree of shame around having the needs in the first place. If there was no shame you would happily ask for what you
want and then make choices based on whether or not people are willing to meet your needs.
When we are embarrassed by what we want, we skirt around and try to have the needs met in a COVERT way.
This is how we create transactional relationships that are built upon shaky foundations.
If one person decides they no longer want to meet the needs of the other, the relationship crumbles.
The result of becoming more self-reliant is that you avoid crumbling as you rely on only yourself to maintain your sense of security.
