“I've got it better than 80% of the guys.”
By: Dennis Collins
My name is Dennis Collins and I live in Overland Park Kansas outside of Kansas City.
I am a master coach with Good guys2Greatmen and owner of Man Of Legacy.
I help men find their direction again, repair their masculine foundation and given them the path towards confidence, love, success and deep and intimately connected relationships moving forward.
“I’ve got it better than 80% of the guys.”
That was what I told Jack my friend at the gym one month before my wife said “I want a divorce.” To say this rocked my world would be an understatement.
*I was having sex a couple of times a week.
*We were not fighting.
*We were drifting along without much friction.
*We were doing what everyone else was doing raising kids-we were normal.
Truthfully, I was not happy, but not so unhappy to do anything about it. I had two kids 15 and 11 and I wasn’t going to initiate a divorce. I was existing...not thriving.
As for the wife and I we also weren't deeply connecting. In fact two years earlier I asked her about going to marriage counseling… because deep down I knew,,,,,,,,,KNEW something wasn’t right……and she said “no we don’t need to, everything is fine.”
Now unlike the men reading this who are working on themselves I did an internal fist bump “Yes!!! I don’t have to go to marriage counseling.” I could just continue to exist.
Here are some things I know now looking back in hindsight that I would have wished I would have paid more attention to.
I had an underlying dissatisfaction with the relationship.
I was not on my mission, my purpose.
My increase in consumption of porn because of my totally unsatisfying sex life.
My inability to realize the sex I was having was actually bad, really bad sex meant to keep me complacent.
My blindness to the emotional affair my wife was having with her co-worker and business partner.
It wasn't that my life was bad, but I was just existing and far from satisfied, and I sure wasn’t thriving.
What happened when she said I wanted divorce?
I cried, I begged, I remember vividly to this day in tears saying “tell me what I need to do to fix it.”
After the initial shock wore off I did remember two years earlier asking my wife if she wanted to go to marriage counseling because I knew something wasn't right her response we don't need to everything is fine.
As you're reading this, you and I both know now that everything wasn't fine but I was so happy that I didn't have to go to marriage counseling I did nothing. For a pretty smart guy I was not very bright.
I blamed her.
I got angry………..there was lots of anger.
We ended up going to our pastor for marriage counseling. I remember after meeting with my ex pastor Mark, he said. “This is going to be difficult”.
Back then I did not know about “the walk away wife”, “the two-year time bomb” and I did not understand that intimacy had little to do with sex.
I also did not know what my pastor knew………that my wife was done, there was no desire and no repairing the relationship.
Back then there was not much self-reflection as to what did I want it wasn't like I was really happy in the marriage
I was in many ways a typical nice guy worked hard, had a side hustle, actually two if you count the rental properties in addition to the balloons.
I was the provider, the dad………… I didn’t rock the boat.
Funny thing when you are a nice guy, you don’t advocate for yourself, and your needs.
When you live like this it leads to an underlying resentment.
What I wouldn't have given for the communities and coaching available back then that we have now.
My lack of awareness was stunning, I look back and just shake my head at what I didn’t know.
For quite a while I fell into victim mode, at what “she did to me”. This resulted in me becoming a very angry man.
Anger is very expensive………….it cost me my relationship with my kids for quite a while.
Now, 15 years later my oldest daughter still chooses not to have a relationship with me.
This is one of the reasons why I am a coach now, to help men avoid some of the very expensive lessons I have learned the hard way all those years ago.
I was pretty uneducated when it came to intimacy and connection. Back then I thought intimacy equaled sex.
Think about it. We have never been educated about relationships. Hell, we haven’t even been educated about sex! If we were not having sex I would have at least known how bad things were. Sadly I used quantity as the barometer to measure my sex
life.
I thought I had it better than 80% of the guys because I was having sex two times a week.
I would learn once I moved out that our sex life was just serving the purpose of preventing me to leave her until she was ready to leave me.
Time has shown me just how bad the sex was. It was not passionate, it was unfulfilling, but hey I got my orgasm and most of the time she did too.
I was keeping my true sexual needs and identity under wrap. After moving out I started having great sex (or so I thought) and LOTS of it!
I was making up for lost time I thought but still something was missing. It turns out connection and intimacy can change sex into an amazing experience.
Now I am honored to help men understand true intimacy, and how sex is actually a small part of intimacy overall. I have walked with men turning around their sexless marriages, helping them turn around their marriages back to an intimate connected relationship again.
For some that is not possible, so I help them step up and reclaim their masculine identity and start leading the romance department of their life again with a renewed confidence and attitude.
So, where do you go from here?
The odds are you are a really good guy. You want to be proud of the man you are being and you want your relationship with your wife to be better, but if you could have worked this problem out on your own, you would have done it by now.
At this point we always ask you, "What do you really want?"
It's one of the hardest questions for men to answer. Why?
It seems as if we've been programmed to be afraid of saying what we want!
Only a total jerk would clearly, plainly and unapologetically say out loud what he really wants for himself and his life...right?
Wrong. In fact, if you don't decide to clearly state what you want and go after it, nobody else will do it for you.
We send you these emails to stimulate your thinking and to stir your emotions. That's the first step to taking the lead in your life.
If this email jolted your thinking...or if it tugged at your heart, then you are being called to stand up and do something.
We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.
Simple.
We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.
If you do want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.
First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.
Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation. Plan for at least ONE HOUR. I guarantee you will happy you did.
And if you want to send Dennis Collins a personal message about this email, you can email him at denniscollins@manoflegacy.org
