Tom cried silently, isolated in the bathroom stall at work.
“I’m so alone,” he thought. “How the hell did I get here? She barely even speaks to me.”
When your marriage is falling apart, it feels like solitary confinement - a nightmare
He heard someone coming, so he stopped his tears, swallowed hard, and pushed back the anguish.
For the rest of the day, he pretended to work, not able to focus. “I can’t keep doing this. Someone is going to notice my poor work performance.”
When you have no support, life can feel like it’s spinning out of control
At home, the house was empty.
“Where are my wife and kids?” Tom wondered. “Maybe she took them out again without telling me. She acts like I don’t matter.”
Tom retreated to his walk-in closet, turned off the light, laid face-down on the floor, and let the tears come again. At least the soft carpet felt good on his face.
That night, Tom started searching YouTube.
: my wife is cold
: what to do when she wants space
: sexless marriage
: wife giving me the silent treatment
: how to talk with an upset woman
Tom watched dozens of videos, but “just watching videos isn’t enough. I want guidance. I want friends. I don’t want to feel alone anymore.”
Tom ran across GoodGuys2GreatMen with this Steve Horsmon guy standing in front of a horse. “Horsmon and a horse? Really?”
The more he read, the more he realized, “this horse guy knows what he’s talking about. It’s like he’s in my mind.”
An initiated man knows, reaching out for help from other wise men is a sign of wisdom.
Tom wanted connection. He wanted fun conversation. He wanted to feel human again.
“Maybe I should make some friends. I’ve been so focused on work and the kids. I haven’t had any real, good friends for a long time.”
Chronic social isolation is linked to depression, anxiety, and PTSD
Tom did something wild, something he never saw himself doing - he joined a men’s group. “What the hell is a men’s group?” he wondered. “I don’t care. I need help.”
An initiated man knows, a brotherhood of strong, like-minded guys is vital to a man’s sense of confidence, well-being, and inspired growth.
Tom joined the men’s group and posted his introduction to the guys in the private forum. To his surprise, dozens of men commented, offering him support.
Finally, Tom wasn’t alone.
Now, Tom’s marriage wasn’t fixed, but he wasn’t crying in the bathroom stall at work anymore. He felt like he had switched-on guys he could talk to.
Through his interactions with guys on the forum, Tom started to learn: no matter what his wife thought of him, the most important thing was what HE thought of HIMSELF. And no matter what happened with her, he needed to “save himself” first.
He needed to “save himself first” to get his mind clear.
He needed to “save himself first” to get his career back on track.
He needed to “save himself first” to feel a sense of worth and value again.
Tom learned that connection doesn’t begin-and-end with his wife. It can start with conversation with other men - men who’ve been in his shoes.
Tom began to take responsibility for his own well-being. He learned he was accidentally using “Nice Guy” covert contracts with his wife, expecting his “good behavior” to compel her to respect him, but he now knows that he must first respect himself regardless.
Respect for self always comes before her respect, like the horse pulling the cart. It cannot be any other way. When Tom and his wife first got together, he honored himself, but with time, he covertly placed that burden upon her.
She will only desire connection when she feels unburdened.
Tom felt free. He has less fear of being alone, because he knew he would always have the connection of the other initiated men in his men’s group brotherhood.
Fear no longer stopped him.
Tom read books, journaled, and spoke with other men. He wanted to stay sharp in his mission and purpose. He wanted to explore other areas of his masculine besides just within his marriage.
He wanted to become a master of his manhood.
He wanted a complete reset on his frame of thinking.
He wanted a complete reset on his skills of attraction.
He wanted a complete reset on his inspired action in the world as a man, regardless of women.
And another crazy thing happened - Tom’s wife started a conversation with him for the first time in weeks. “What the hell? As soon as I stopped thinking about her, she talked to me.”
An initiated man knows, confidence and connection starts with him, not her.
Tom was ready for more. He was ready to take his masculine frame and skills to the next level.
