Outcome Dependence: Destroying Marriages and Fun For Centuries!

Published: Mon, 07/11/22

My name is Mark Drezga and I live in Melbourne, Australia.

I am a master coach with Goodguys2Greatmen and am on a mission to guide men on the path from refusing to grow up to living as independent adults.

My own path from childish dependence on things and people around me, to independent man is likely relatable. You may also feel an anxious lack of certainty and an underlying desire for respect

and approval. And yet, many men who are dealing with an impending divorce, a wife that is pulling away, a lack of connection, zero satisfaction or sex will simply scoff and ask “How does it help me!”

Have you heard "I just don't feel like you love me" despite constantly making efforts to make sure she knows?

How about "I just need space" even though you NEVER do anything together anymore?

You are not alone.

The single most powerful book that I have ever read is “Beyond Success and Failure” by Willard and Marguerite Beecher.

This hit a nerve and I have never been the same since.

Perhaps it was the description of what a dependent and immature man looks like that made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Or perhaps I just wanted to experience the emotional confidence

and inner strength I could get by detaching from others and learning to stand on my own two feet.

Many men may feel at odds with certain statements made by the authors and this is a GOOD thing!

Challenging your existing beliefs is like taking your thinking process to the gym. It’s a good workout and an opportunity for growth.

Over the next 6 weeks I am going to select the most powerful concepts in Beyond Success and Failure and elaborate on them.

I will put them into the context of a struggling marriage or a life that

seems to be spinning out of control.

Let’s begin with the first idea and how it can be applied to you.

Concept #1:

"Since he has no need to prove himself to anyone or to show off his personal superiority in order to win praise or admiration, he is like a good cardplayer who does not care what cards are dealt him since his fun lies in the free play he improvises in the playing of each hand. Each game is its own reward and he seeks nothing outside of the unfolding of each hand as it is played into the hands of others. He enjoys the whole experience and all that his partners do as well."

Are you the guy who?

Won't make a move on your wife unless you’re practically guaranteed that she'll go along with it?
Procrastinates on WHAT to say and HOW to say things to your wife?
Sees things as being either good OR bad?

Always focuses on what "could" go wrong?

If you are, you are certainly not alone; but you are also

OUTCOME DEPENDENT.

You hold the belief that certain things must happen for you to be happy.

Outcome dependence is something that plagues most people, as we are trained to focus on results instead of the journey.

We typically learn this habit in our childhood.

Remember getting the sticker when you did well at school?

Yeah, that was the beginning of your focus on future results instead of the present process. Those stickers felt like gold!

Your outcome dependence robs you of the experience you are in and keeps you playing small for fear of "failing".

When you realise that you have nothing to lose and that YOU get to determine what a success is, you free yourself to play balls out - creatively and without fear.

This is how you can have fun and learn to enjoy EVERYTHING that happens, regardless of the outcome.

Win or lose, the experience is the benefit...NOT the result at the end.

Have you ever played sports with your buddies and because there was nothing to lose you ended up playing some of the best games of your life?

You had no fear of failure, so you went for the crazy shots and sometimes they worked and sometimes they didn't. Either way, you enjoyed yourself and some of those crazy moves worked as well!

If you are the man who only does foreplay if it's going to lead to sex, then you are dependent on a particular outcome and you miss out on the fun and joy of everything else that leads up to it.

This is when your wife will say things like:

You're not with me when we make love
I'm just a sex toy and it feels like you only want my body
He's sitting next to me and trying to touch me. He must want sex again...

The path to OUTCOME INDEPENDENCE starts with a belief that you are already okay.

This belief forms the bedrock of not needing anything more to be happy and whole which means you can play fearlessly and creatively.

A man who doesn't need things to be a particular way to be happy is free to enjoy everything that life throws at him.

He is bold in his actions and doesn’t let fear stop him from creating the life that he wants.

He knows his values and uses them to guide his choices.

Whether he succeeds or fails, he is still content in knowing that he acted from those values.

Everything is a success for him. Even his failures.

If you spend your life NOT doing things unless you know what the result will be then you are going to be a very bored and lonely man.

I know this from my own experience.

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So, where do you go from here?

The odds are you are a really good guy. You want to be proud of the man you are being and you want your relationship with your wife to be better, but if you could have worked this problem out on your own, you would have done it by now.

At this point we always ask you, "What do you really want?"

It's one of the hardest questions for men to answer. Why?

It seems as if we've been programmed to be afraid of saying what we want!

Only a total jerk would clearly, plainly and unapologetically say out loud what he really wants for himself and his life...right?

Wrong. In fact, if you don't decide to clearly state what you want and go after it, nobody else will do it for you.

We send you these emails to stimulate your thinking and to stir your emotions. That's the first step to taking the lead in your life.

If this email jolted your thinking...or if it tugged at your heart, then you are being called to stand up and do something.

We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.

Simple.

We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.

If you do want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.

First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.

Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation. Plan for at least ONE HOUR. I guarantee you will happy you did.

And if you want to send Mark Drezga a personal message about this email, you can email him at gethelp@markdrezga.com.

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