After my divorce I learned a funny thing about the way I was approaching sex.
Every attempt to hook up was filled with a desperate need to validate my worthiness.
I was looking to GET sex.
I did not see my sexuality as a precious gift to be given.
It's a mistake many men make - they focus on GETTING sex.
This is the smallest part of intimacy.
Instead of creating connection and true intimacy, we focus on the smallest part of intimacy, the physical part.
Make no mistake...unfulfilling hookup sex is easy to GET.
But, like eating a small bag of potato chips, it’s not fulfilling and pretty soon we want more. Deep connected, intimate, passionate sex with your partner is like eating a delicious steak.
It leaves you feeling satisfied.
When you focus on connection and intimacy, you will find that you will not be lacking in sex. There is so much more when it comes to a connected intimate relationship.
I can't tell you how many men are frustrated due to the lack of sex in their long-term relationships.
This is especially true for "nice guys" who became dads and providers.
They stop dating their wives which leads to a steep decline in their sex life. Then they starting "seeking " sex and this does nothing to grow feelings of connection and intimacy.
There is an almost 100% correlation between men who stopped dating their wives and those who report dissatisfied low sex or no sex marriages.
Now let's not kid ourselves. Sometimes there is fault on her side as well. But often, it's the man who has failed to take the lead in the relationship and the romance department.
We stop dating her. We priortize work over everything else.
There is no romance department anymore.
Many men mistakenly think it is a burden to be running the romance department. What if we considered it an honor?
How important is weekly time with your spouse?
Did you know that with weekly date time...
* Women report a 340% higher satisfaction rate with their marriage
* Women report a 350% higher sexual satisfaction.
* Have a 250% less likelihood of divorce!
* Men’s satisfaction numbers are similar.
Why is this so?
Because a properly planned date night includes higher levels of communication and a stronger commitment to each other.
And those things will lead to the higher quality relationship you’ve been wanting all along.
My client, Mike, was a guy who didn’t lead the “romance department” with his wife. He never planned date nights, and he did not take initiative in other important areas. I wasn't surprised when he told me the marriage felt flat and they were drifting
apart.
Two months into his personal transformation another transformation began!
Suddenly the “romance department” had come back to life.
What began with leadership, planning dates with his wife, and time with his friends ended up with him showing up better all-around.
What was once obligatory unfulfilling sex every 3 or 4 weeks turned into more easy, enjoyable and playful lovemaking.
It was like when they first started dating! Sex was fun again.
His exact quote was "we are f*&king like rabbits, like when we were first married, but the sex is better!”
Mike recognized the problems early which helped the quick turnaround. And he naturally didn’t complain when his wife got sick for a few weeks and he went without.
Why? He didn't miss the sex because the relationship was so connected.
Now he plans weekly date nights.
These dates may be a hike on Saturday afternoon or a midday lunch on Wednesday.
His wife feels like she is a priority, again.
She feels desired again.
Your date night can be whatever works for you and your wife or girlfriend.
It is time to connect and prioritize the relationship. You get the honor of leading the romance department. She will respond to your masculine leadership when you are clearly prioritizing her and your relationship.
When you choose to LEAD you get to dance up and down the staircase of intimacy. You will no longer be looking to GET sex, but to share your precious sexual GIFT!
