Welcome back, brother,

(This email was supposed to go out last week)

This is our weekly Woodshop Wisdom email and I want to do something different for 12 emails.

I want to share with you my first 12 steps to being a better father, husband (someday again) brother, and friend.

 

This is the 12th and last step in the process I went through years ago when I first started my transformation during the hardest parts of my married life.

 

Next week another Goodguys2Greatmen certified coach will start a new series of these Monday morning emails.  You're going to love coach Charlie McKeever and his Happy Man Mindset series!

*   *   *

So here it is. Sing along if you like. 😊

 On these 12 days of Christmas, the insights shared from me…

 

40 more years of living,

A renewed confidence,

A brotherhood to guide me,

A bunch of ladies dancing,

A new way of being,

Clarity on my values,

Forgiveness for my partner,

Forgiveness foooorrrr myyyyyselllffff,

The willingness to seek help,

An open heart and mind,

A foundation of love,

and a feeling I will be okay.

 

Gift #12

40 More Years of Living

 

After the text message, “I miss you. I want to talk to you again,” I shook off the disbelief and began to smile.

 

I smiled and shook my head because this had been predicted.

 

The wise men in my group told me this would happen.

 

When you become the most authentic version of yourself, are living true to your values, are unapologetically living your personal mission, and have let go of the past, she will get curious again.

 

It happened. Now what?

 

I picked up the phone and called her.

 

We talked for hours.

 

The next night we talked again.

 

We had deeper, more intimate, more connecting conversations then we ever had in the past.

 

I listened, I heard her, I accepted her for what she was feeling and didn’t get defensive.

 

I shared my experience and for the first time didn’t hold back.  I had nothing to lose.

 

After a few weeks and many conversations, we decided to see each other.

 

I was hesitant to meet up because I wanted to trust her.  I wanted to get to know this new version of the woman in front of me before we got too far.

 

The night I came over we sat down with cocktails and began the conversation.

 

I told her what I wanted and where I was going.

 

I extended the invitation for her to join me.

 

I am going to have a relationship that is open and honest.

 

I am going to have a relationship that includes personal responsibility and owning our own emotions.  No more blame.

 

I am going to have a partner who is supportive, compassionate, caring, and loving.

 

I am in it for the betterment of both of us and am dedicated to growing the relationship deeper and wider.  It is going to be an ever expanding, nourishing experience.

 

It is going to be playful, fun, challenging, and pleasurable.

 

I am going to have a relationship that is intimate, sexual, and filled with desire.

 

It is going to be unbelievably joyous and remarkably devoted.

 

Nothing will stop me from trying to create this every single day.

 

I am willing and capable of learning how to create these desires.  I am unapologetic about refusing to settle for anything less. 

 

I want it all.

 

She listened and then asked to stop the divorce process.

 

My values dictate honesty, I let her know for me to move forward, the first version of relationship was over.

 

“I would date you through divorce, but I need to end the marriage. I am not going back into what we had.  It needs to be different,” I stated.

 

At the time, my mind wouldn’t let go of the fact I was still paying for all the bills, the mortgage, and her separated lifestyle.  As far as I knew, she was still seeing the new man she left me for.

 

I felt this was going to trap me into feeling like the divorce delay would prolong the financial arrangement and leave me feeling used for my monetary value.

 

This was a hurdle I owned.  It wasn’t her problem or her fault.  I spent 40 years thinking my value was only in what I provide.  I was still fresh out of the false belief  that it was true.  I was susceptible to the damage of resentment it would cause us again.

 

I made this fact known to  her.  In hindsight it would become the first test of the support I was expecting in a relationship.

 

I needed to get divorced to move on and let go of the past and start to build something new…with her.

 

She cried.  It was not what she wanted.

 

I held her.

 

We kissed.

 

The closeness we felt led to more.  It felt like a new beginning for us.

 

As we said our goodbyes in the early morning she said, “You opened me last night like I’ve never felt before.”

 

We kissed again, parted ways, and went about our day.

 

I never heard from her again regarding our relationship.

 

The next four weeks or so I tried reaching out and continuing our journey together.

 

She never answered. 

 

We have never spoken about it. 

 

To this day I have no idea why it happened this way. 

 

It just did.

 

After I waited to hear back from her, I came to the obvious conclusion she wasn’t coming with me.

 

I restarted the divorce process and since then the only communication we’ve had has been small talk and kids.

 

It’s funny.  I realize now that our hearts have never been in the same place together, alone, when it was just the two of us. Huh?

 

I don’t know what happened.

 

Maybe the idea of a relationship like what I described scared her.  Maybe she was only delaying the divorce because she was losing the financial support and safety. Maybe she loved the other guy more.

 

I don’t know.

 

I do know I still desire the same relationship I described above.

 

I do know my mission is create this version of love and acceptance.

 

I do know when I wake up in the morning and focus on where this journey is taking me, I jump out of bed, excited to create the day.

 

I do know I am okay, and the universe has a gift for me.

 

What could it be?

 

I don’t know.

 

I do know I am going to spend my next 40 years joyously exploring what it could be.

 

If anybody wants to ride along with me, I’m always going to be here.

 

 

Thoughts From The Woodshop

 

The woodshop is expanding.

 

We have job openings and opportunities galore.

 

It seems to me when I am aligned with a higher purpose and on my mission to spread love, the universe opens its doors and lets sunlight in.

 

I want some of those sun rays to land on you and warm your face too.

 

I hope we meet someday. 

 

Until the next time we talk, stay well my friend, make some sawdust, create something beautiful.

 

Lotta love,

Matt

 

Where to go from here?  

I see you man. I see that you are ready to engage, you are ready to create something new. I see that you are ready to pick up the tools we have available and get back to building something in your life that is beautiful, impactful, and meaningful. I look forward to seeing it! 

Most of us men spend a lot of time in our heads.  We have conversations with ourselves but never show that thinking and feeling side to anyone else.

 
We want to help you fix that.

We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through.  It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.

We hear it all the time. 

“Get out of my head dude!  How did you know exactly what’s going on in my kitchen!”

Our free discovery calls are not like anything you might imagine.

This is NOT a sales pitch.

This is NOT “taster session”.

This is a deep dive into your scariest and most vulnerable thoughts.  And we require you plan for at least a full hour to connect.

Why do we do it this way?

Simple.

We live to serve men.  We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural.  And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.

If you want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call. 

First things first.  Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.

Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation.

And if you want to send Matt Epsky a personal message about this Q&A email, you can email him at matt@goodguys2greatmen.com