How to Get Enough Sex Without Getting More Sex
Welcome back, brother!
This is the beginning of our weekly Happy Man Mindset email where we discuss topics from the Goodguys2Greatmen community.
My name is Charlie McKeever from central Austin, Texas. As a senior member in the community and Certified Goodguys2Greatmen coach, I share with you my own personal journey as well as insights from hundreds of men in the community. I have walked and talked with many of the men in the community
and the perspective I have gained from them have fundamentally changed me, my marriage, and my life.
Three years ago my wife avoided me, only gave me one word answers to questions and eventually told me she wanted a divorce. Today she regularly tells me she loves me on her own. She enjoys spending time together and we have open, honest, grown up conversations where she shares her thoughts, feelings, and experiences with me. A lot
has changed over the last three years and those changes are what I will be sharing with you.
Let's get started.
So to kick things off in the Happy Man Mindset series, let’s start by talking about the elephant in most men’s lives.
Are you tired of not getting enough sex?
Are you doing everything you are supposed to do and she still doesn’t seem interested in giving you the one thing you want the most?
When she rejects you sexually do you pout about it, give her the silent treatment, and think you are successfully hiding your feelings from her?
Are you confused, frustrated, and resentful?
Do you feel disregarded, unwanted, and undesired?
Even when you have sex, does it feel like disconnected, unfulfilling, duty sex?
When you do have sex does it feel like it’s over way too fast?
After you orgasm do you almost immediately feel anxious and start wondering how long it will be before you get to have sex again?
How do I know to ask you these questions?
Because that’s what I did for years and I can tell you from personal experience that over time it eroded my relationship with my wife and almost ended my 22 year marriage.
From the start, I used sex as a benchmark of success for my marriage.
If we were having sex, I told myself that our relationship was good.
If we weren’t having sex, I told myself that something was wrong.
What I didn’t know was that I was slowly killing her desire for me and chipping away at her respect for herself and me.
I believed it was my job to “warm her up” anytime I wanted to have sex. So I would pursue her until she finally gave in to shut me up.
After sex was over I felt more connected to her, but what I didn’t know was that afterwards she would silently beat herself up for not standing up for herself and she was angry with me for pressuring her to give in when she really didn’t want to.
This went on for years.
Our sex life slowly got worse and worse.
Like most men, I thought I just needed to try harder. So I read books, focused on her orgasms, tried to last as long as I could in bed, worked out at the gym, and thought if I could just do everything right that eventually she would desire me more and our sex life would improve.
Eventually our sexual encounters became boring, unsatisfying, duty sex. I would crave sexual release, chase her affections, and do everything I could to make sex happen, but then as soon as it was over I would feel gross about the whole thing.
Most importantly I felt disappointed in myself.
Why wasn’t she wanting to tear my clothes off? What was I doing wrong? Why was I failing in an area of my life that was so incredibly important to me?
Eventually I was terrified of ending up in a sexless marriage and that’s when my wife said, “I don’t want to be married anymore.”
I was devastated. Our 22nd wedding anniversary was coming up in less than a month and neither of us was happy.
I felt like a failure as a husband, as a father, and as a man.
Sure our sex life was an issue, but I didn’t want to lose my wife, my kids, and everything I had worked so hard to build.
That was the moment when I knew I needed help.
That’s when I reached out to Steve Horsmon, hired Dan Dore as my men’s coach, joined the Goodguys2Greatmen Round Table Community of initiated men and turned my marriage, my sex life, and my life around.
Dan Dore listened to what was frustrating me about my marriage, my sex life, and myself. He gave me insights and expanded my perspective. He asked me important questions and helped me get clarity on what I wanted in life and who I wanted to be.
Here are just a few of the things I learned about my relationship to sex.
I learned…
- The sex I had been chasing was never going to satisfy my desires.
- It’s not reasonable to expect her to be sexually available every time I have a sexual urge.
- I was killing the emotional connection she needed to be open to the possibility of physical intimacy.
- How to open her sexually throughout the week without a sexual agenda.
- How to be calm, confident, and pleased with myself even when she would decline my invitations to have sex.
- How to stop pressuring her both inside and outside the bedroom.
- And most importantly, I learned what “enough sex” means to me.
When my thoughts about sex, love, and relationship changed inside me, these things all improved outside of me.
Steve, Dan, and all the men in the community have literally saved my life.
So, where do you go from here?
At this point we always ask you, "What do you want?"
It's one of the hardest questions for men to answer. Why?
It seems as if we've been programmed to be afraid of saying what we want!
Only a total jerk would clearly, plainly and unapologetically say out loud what he really wants for himself and his life...right?
Wrong. In fact, if you don't decide to clearly state what you want and go after it, nobody else will do it for you.
We send you these emails to stimulate your thinking and to stir your emotions. That's the first step to taking the lead in your life.
If this email jolted your thinking...or if it tugged at your heart, then you are being called to stand up and do something.
We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.
Our free discovery calls are not like anything you might imagine.
This is NOT a sales pitch.
This is NOT “taster session”.
This is a deep dive to help you understand and overcome your scariest and most vulnerable thoughts.
And we require you plan for at least a full hour to connect.
Why do we do it this way?
Simple.
We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.
If you want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.
First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.
Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation.
And if you want to send Charlie McKeever a personal message about this email, you can email him at charles@happymancoaching.com
