Welcome back, brother,
This is our weekly Woodshop Wisdom email and I want to do something different for 12 emails.
I want to share with you my first 12 steps to being a better father, husband (someday again) brother, and friend.
This might be a little goofy for some and some of you might not even celebrate Christmas, but this idea came to me, and I wanted to write about 12 powerful insights I had.
I hope you can relate to them and they help you move forward.
So here it is. Sing along if you like. 😊
On these 12 days of Christmas, the insights shared from me…
40 more years of living,
A renewed confidence,
A brotherhood to guide me,
A bunch of ladies dancing,
A new way of being,
Clarity on my values,
Forgiveness for my partner,
Forgiveness foooorrrr myyyyyselllffff,
The willingness to seek help,
An open heart and mind,
A foundation of love,
and a feeling I will be okay.
Gift #10
A Brotherhood to Guide Me
I mentioned towards the end of my last email that my soon-to-be-ex-wife was noticing a shift in my behavior. I also mentioned it was about to get way worse before it got better.
At that time, after being separated for sixth months, we tried marriage counseling again. These consisted of three blame-filled sessions that lasted another three months (it was difficult getting her to commit to going). And then, one warm summer evening she asked me to come over to talk.
I went back to “our” house, which she had been living in, hoping for the best but prepared for the worst.
The worst is what I found.
It was the night of the divorce bomb detonation.
I was prepared though. I had made a choice to clearly state my desires, while at the same time, ready to lovingly respect and support her decision.
It hurt like hell though.
Especially the part where she said, “I want us to be really good friends.”
That part broke me.
How could this women not see me at all?
She is breaking my heart, stomping on it, lighting it on fire, burying the ashes, and then taking a piss on my dusty grave…and you want to be friends?!?!
I couldn’t see clearly through the tears, curled up in the fetal position sobbing on the deck I built for OUR HOUSE!
Okay…breathe…in…out.
Pick yourself up…go home…there is nothing more for you here.
With nowhere to turn I would have been lost.
Gone.
Buried deep in that hole with the last remaining pieces of my heart.
What I found was a brotherhood of men to collapse upon.
These are men who have been supporting me through my growth, guiding me on my journey, who understood me and what I was going through.
Those same men were now there to catch me on my way down.
I made the twenty-minute drive home that night in a stupor.
I was only half there...with half gone somewhere else in my mind where my guts felt ripped open and my hand over my stomach trying to contain what felt like an immense amount of blood pouring out of my soul.
It felt like I was in a cheesy war movie.
I needed to get on "coms" and tell my fellow soldiers I had been shot, it’s not looking good, I’m fading fast and need to get the hell out of here.
My message over Facebook that night, “Brothers…she asked for divorce. I’m hurting.”
What I found were men rushing to my side. Messages, phone calls, times to meet and talk came flooding in from all directions.
I swear, like a modern-day John Wayne, a man a on horse came riding up with his hand out to pull me off the ground and clean the dirt and grime out of my bloody, tear-soaked wounds. 😉
All this support, love, and compassion stopped my fall.
There is nothing on earth like brothers fighting together, for each other.
The gifts of these men’s collective wisdom, experience, and knowledge are the reasons I am talking to you now.
I wouldn’t be here, typing away at this computer, if it wasn’t for them.
These men continue to give freely from deep within themselves to provide the support and nourishment for myself and many others to grow into who we choose to become.
It’s an invitation that is here for you to accept.
Accepting it will be the most important choice you will make in your life.
Having this brotherhood in my life, this tribe of men, is a necessity.
It’s not simply a good option, it’s so much more,
In all honesty, this brotherhood is what you have actually been looking for.
If you have ever wanted to be seen, heard, understood, and supported…take it to the men.
Find your tribe.
Find your brotherhood.
We got you.
(next week, I will tell you my next decision I felt compelled to make)
Thoughts From The Woodshop
The project manager versus subcontractor relationship can become an adversarial one if you let it.
It can become a competition between who is right and wrong.
A pissing match over who is at fault and who needs to pay for the problem.
If a man is living with a scarcity mindset, he will look for someone to blame for the problem.
If a man lives with an abundance mindset, he knows there is enough available for everyone to be successful…and usually enough problems to go around. 😉
I’ve had both types of working relationships.
I can tell you the outcomes of both are very different.
The scarcity, adversarial relationship ends with missed project deadlines, added costs, less profit and a sour taste in your mouth. A lose-lose combination.
The working-towards-a-common-goal, abundance relationship is guaranteed to create a beautiful project, with a flowing schedule and money in your pocket at the end. Win-win for both.
The major difference between the two is where the focus is placed.
If the focus is solely on my job, my problems, my small piece of the puzzle, it results in a defensive position and the job becomes tedious and a pain in the ass to be frank.
If the focus is on the overall outcome and the big picture goals, the work can become fun and engaging. We begin to look out for each other for the good of the project.
I liken it to brotherhood.
While we support each other and commit to something greater than the individual we create something extraordinary together.
Extra Bonus: The individual becomes stronger, more powerful, and expansive in the process! Who would have thought?!?! 😊
Where to go from here?
I see you man. I see that you are ready to engage, you are ready to create something new. I see that you are ready to pick up the tools we have available and get back to building something in your life that is beautiful, impactful, and meaningful. I look forward to seeing it!
Most of us men spend a lot of time in our heads. We have conversations with ourselves but never show that thinking and feeling side to anyone else.
We want to help you fix that.
We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.
We hear it all the time.
“Get out of my head dude! How did you know exactly what’s going on in my kitchen!”
Our free discovery calls are not like anything you might imagine.
This is NOT a sales pitch.
This is NOT “taster session”.
This is a deep dive into your scariest and most vulnerable thoughts. And we require you plan for at least a full hour to connect.
Why do we do it this way?
Simple.
We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.
If you want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.
First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.
Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation.
And if you want to send Matt Epsky a personal message about this Q&A email, you can email him at matt@goodguys2greatmen.com
