“Where is she?”
As the full moon lit my bedroom, I realized I hadn’t been out with my own friends for years. I’d been so busy with work, my son, and chores around the house. I could barely remember the last time I’d had fun with friends.
Unable to fall asleep, I remembered a story from 20 years prior, back during high school.
*****
I grew up in Minnesota, and in Minnesota it snows A LOT.
So I joined my high school ski club. I could barely ski, and I didn’t learn the skill quickly, but I didn’t care. As long as I stayed away from the advanced hills, I was fine.
We all rode the bus together up the mountain, singing songs and causing trouble. I loved hanging out with friends.
An initiated man knows how to create friendships and have fun, no matter what is happening in life.
One of the “cool kids” was this punk named Joey. Joey was a judgmental prick, and he always had the most expensive gear. Joey only skied the advanced hills. He could do helicopters off jumps, and he never seemed to fall.
“Only pansies ski the Bunny Hill!” Joey would say.
An initiated man forges his own path and isn’t intimidated by others’ success.
The advanced ski hills weren’t fun for me. I couldn’t slowly ski down with my friends and talk along the way. I couldn’t stop to enjoy nature and watch girls. I could only hang on for dear life until I reached the bottom, or often I would crash and my gear would fly in all directions.
For me, skiing wasn’t about top speeds or the biggest jumps. Ski Club was about having a good time with my friends, buying a $1 hot chocolate at the lodge, and eating our packed lunches together.
I wasn’t on the slopes to try out for the Olympics. I loved riding the ski lift, sitting next to a girl I liked, and feeling the buzz of energy between us the whole way up the chairlift.
An initiated man knows life isn’t about perfection. Life is about gratitude along the way.
The new girl on this particular trip was named Kris, and she wore red lipstick. Kris with the red lipstick said she was a great skier, which made my heart sink a little because I wasn’t a great skier. Joey the prick was a great skier.
When we arrived, as I feared, Kris with the red lipstick headed for the advanced runs along with Joey.
She was gone.
I was bummed, but I soon realized I could only control myself, and I wanted to enjoy the day. I focused on my time on the easy hills with my group of friends.
An initiated man knows the joy of life is always available, even when Kris with the red lipstick is skiing another part of the mountain.
At lunchtime in the lodge, Kris with the red lipstick saw me, laughing with my friends. She asked to ski with us.
“You’re not enjoying the advanced hills?” I asked.
“The hills are fine, but you and your friends seem to be having fun. I’d like to join you,” she said.
*****
Ski Club was a fun memory.
Now, back in my moonlit bedroom, alone, I had a smile on my face.
10 minutes ago I was wracked with anxiety and now I was smiling. What had changed?
Nothing. Nothing had changed. Only my thoughts had shifted.
My marriage was still on the rocks. My wife was out at 3am, but I was smiling.
What did I have to smile about?
I was smiling about a time I cared more about being with friends than impressing one girl.
I was smiling about simple moments of joy in life.
I was smiling because I wasn’t trying to be perfect.
I immediately knew what I needed to do next. I needed to get back out with my own friends and start living life again, no matter what was happening in my marriage.
I wrote in my journal: MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO TOMORROW - start having fun with friends again.
I wrote in my journal: ONE THING I’M GRATEFUL FOR - I have control over my thoughts.
The next day I found a local men’s group, and I attended every meeting. Within a month, I’d planned a camping trip with the other guys from the group. It was time to make fun a priority again.
Bringing fun, friendship, and play back into my calendar brought energy back into my life. It gave me a sense of identity outside of my marriage. And it gave me something to look forward to.
I still worried about my marriage, but I found something I had lost along the way - friendship and happiness.
I learned that joy was my own responsibility.
So, where do you go from here?
The odds are you are a really good guy. You want to be proud of the man you are being and you want your relationship with your wife to be better, but if you could have worked this problem out on your own, you would have done it by now.
At this point we always ask you, "What do you really want?"
It's one of the hardest questions for men to answer. Why?
It seems as if we've been programmed to be afraid of saying what we want!
Only a total jerk would clearly, plainly and unapologetically say out loud what he really wants for himself and his life...right?
Wrong. In fact, if you don't decide to clearly state what you want and go after it, nobody else will do it for you.
We send you these emails to stimulate your thinking and to stir your emotions. That's the first step to taking the lead in your life.
If this email jolted your thinking...or if it tugged at your heart, then you are being called to stand up and do something.
We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.
Simple.
We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.
If you do want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.
First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.
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