Welcome back, brother,

This is our weekly Woodshop Wisdom email and I want to do something different for 12 emails.

 

I want to share with you my first 12 steps to being a better father, husband (someday again) brother, and friend.

 

This might be a little goofy for some and some of you might not even celebrate Christmas, but this idea came to me, and I wanted to write about 12 powerful insights I had.

 

 I hope you can relate to them and they help you move forward.

 

So here it is. Sing along if you like. 😊

 

On these 12 days of Christmas, the insights shared from me…

 

40 more years of living,

A renewed confidence,

A brotherhood to guide me,

A bunch of ladies dancing,

A new way of being,

Clarity on my values,

Forgiveness for my partner,

Forgiveness foooorrrr myyyyyselllffff,

The willingness to seek help,

An open heart and mind,

A foundation of love,

and a feeling I will be okay.

 

Gift #5

Forgiveness for myself

 

It snowed here this morning.  A fresh 4” inches of sticky, wet snow that needed to be cleared.

 

I trudged outside, shovel in hand, ready to clear the mess off the driveway.

 

I scraped and pushed it to the edges and lifted the heavy scoop as I tried throwing it into the yard.

 

The damp snow stuck to the shovel making my job of clearing a path down the sidewalk that much harder.  Each toss leaving behind half the snow I was trying to remove.

 

The weighted down shovel and my soon to be aching back had me thinking about forgiveness.

 

How many of us are trying to clear a new path while weighted down by our past?

 

Past behaviors stuck in our minds constantly aggravating and relentlessly influencing our direction and forward progress.

 

How do we move towards mountains of progress (or move mountains of snow) if each step is burdened down by the last stumble?

 

With each scoop I lifted this morning I had to tap the shovel and remove the old snow off it.

 

I couldn’t lift it any other way.

 

It was too heavy.

 

Lift, throw, tap.

 

Lift, throw, tap.

 

Forgiveness is very much like that.

 

The only way for me to move forward and clear a new path was to let go of the past that was holding me back from lifting me up.

 

This meant taking a hard, honest look at what behaviors got me to this point.

 

I believe this is where most, if not all, men get stuck. 

 

The scariest part is taking a step into the storm alone only equipped with the wisdom we currently have.

 

We must submit to our shortcomings.

 

Trust me, it isn’t easy taking 100% responsibility for our current situation.

 

It’s hard to admit I held onto covert contracts to get love and appreciation.

 

It’s hard to admit I displayed angry, controlling, manipulative behavior.

 

It’s hard to admit I was judgmental and rigid in my understanding and acceptance.

 

It’s really hard to admit my biggest fear is I am a worthless, unlovable pile of nothing, and I deserve to end up alone.

 

That fear drove me to demand unattainable perfection.

 

That quest for perfection meant that someday I would be redeemable.

 

Someday, after all the pieces were in place, I could find the peace and love I desired.

 

The mindset of redeemable perfection led me to terrible mistakes.

 

Those mistakes led me to my next insight.

 

I need to forgive myself and let go of the burden I was carrying.

 

I need to treat myself like a human being.

 

A perfect creation that only learns through his imperfections.

 

If I was to continue to travel this path of personal growth and enlightenment, I couldn’t do it hating myself for the past.

 

It was too heavy. I couldn’t move.

 

I had to make a deliberate, conscious decision to move on from past hurt. It was time to step fully into the present.

 

I wrote a list of what I did and then threw it in a fire as I burned it and declared to move on.

 

I transmuted the pain, guilt, and suffering I felt into a rock one day and threw it into the lake.

 

I admitted my misdeeds to trusted friends and asked them to hold me accountable for never repeating the same old misdeeds.

 

I did what I could to never forget, but to forgive myself for what had happened.

 

I made sure not shame myself. I wasn’t a bad person; I just made some errors.

 

I love this quote to this day.

 

“A person’s largest insecurities are revealed in their loudest accusations”

 

I used to think this revealed what the other person is experiencing.

 

I found out that MY accusations are exactly where I feel the most insecure.

 

This isn’t about your wife being a cold-hearted, selfish, angry person – this is always about you thinking you deserve it because you are holding tightly to the behaviors you think define who you are.

 

If you are having a difficult time forgiving someone, I implore you to look inside and forgive yourself first.

 

This is an inside game that requires you to heal yourself first.

 

You are only held back from the life you desire because you are holding onto a past that currently defines who you are now. 

 

Let go and forgive.

 

Thoughts From The Woodshop

 

Maybe I have given you the wrong impression.

 

I may have been an angry, seething boss but I rarely yell or scream at my co-workers.

 

You see, I always had quick and easy forgiveness for mistakes that happen.

 

I still believe a woodworker is less defined by how perfect a project turns out and most defined by how he fixes the mistakes that inevitably happen.

 

Simply, a GREAT woodworker is one who knows how to use glue and wood putty. 😊

 

I try to instill this message into my younger staff.

 

I don’t expect perfection.

 

I expect us to come together and learn from the mistakes and get better each time we try something new.

 

Learn, forgive, move forward together.

 

If I had stopped each time I made a mistake, I would have been out of this industry decades ago.

 

I’ve made some dumb mistakes.

 

The only way forward is to take the lesson, forgive ourselves, and keep going.

 

If I found myself repeating the same mistake it’s because I didn’t get the lesson and I haven’t moved on from it. I unfortunately repeat it until I figure it out.

 

If you find yourself repeating the same mistakes, ask yourself what lesson you have missed.

 

If you figure out the lesson the next step is to forgive and move on.

 

The only thing holding you back from climbing higher is the baggage you carry and refuse to put down.

 

Where to go from here?  

 

I see you man. I see that you are ready to engage, you are ready to create something new. I see that you are ready to pick up the tools we have available and get back to building something in your life that is beautiful, impactful, and meaningful. I look forward to seeing it! 

Most of us men spend a lot of time in our heads.  We have conversations with ourselves but never show that thinking and feeling side to anyone else.

 
We want to help you fix that.

We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through.  It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.

We hear it all the time. 

“Get out of my head dude!  How did you know exactly what’s going on in my kitchen!”

Our free discovery calls are not like anything you might imagine.

This is NOT a sales pitch.

This is NOT “taster session”.

This is a deep dive into your scariest and most vulnerable thoughts.  And we require you plan for at least a full hour to connect.

Why do we do it this way?

Simple.

We live to serve men.  We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural.  And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.

If you want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call. 

First things first.  Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.

Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation.

And if you want to send Matt Epsky a personal message about this Q&A email, you can email him at matt@goodguys2greatmen.com