Welcome back, brother,
This is our weekly Woodshop Wisdom email and I want to do something different for 12 emails.
I want to share with you my first 12 steps to being a better father, husband (someday again) brother, and friend.
This might be a little goofy for some and some of you might not even celebrate Christmas, but this idea came to me, and I wanted to write about 12 powerful insights I had.
I hope you can relate to them and they help you move forward.
So here it is. Sing along if you like. 😊
On these 12 days of Christmas, the insights shared from me…
40 more years of living,
A renewed confidence,
A brotherhood to guide me,
A bunch of ladies dancing,
A new way of being,
Clarity on my values,
Forgiveness for my partner,
Forgiveness foooorrrr myyyyyselllffff,
The willingness to seek help,
An open heart and mind,
A foundation of love,
and a feeling I will be okay.
Gift #8
A new way of being
Have you ever bought a new shirt?
One of those nice, button up shirts tailored to your body and fits just right?
A shirt, when you wear it, somehow helps you feel a bit more attractive and confident.
Maybe you know the feeling after a fresh new haircut?
You feel a little bit lighter, a little bit faster for some reason and your baseball hat sits on your head like a custom fitted crown.
Or the feeling after you worked out in the gym…arms and chest day, of course?
The sleeves on your workout gear stretched due to your bulging biceps. Your shoulders are back, chest out, chin up as you walk around the gym with a swagger and, dare I say, cockiness, you wish you felt more often.
THIS is the feeling (x100) I was consistently living on a day-to-day basis after defining my values.
Having a clear and concise knowledge of my personal value system and masculine operating principals was the key to live inside these feelings daily.
My mind wasn’t fighting my heart anymore.
How I saw myself and what I believed about myself were aligned with my true intention.
I saw myself as a man who loves deeply, is honest, accepting of others, and is kind.
If I ever was misaligned with those simple, easy to remember values – I felt like shit. 😊 Simple as that!
When I was accused of being a “narcissistic asshole who doesn’t have any feelings” I actually grinned and responded, “No, I’m not.”
I know who I am.
Now, I can admit that I DID portray some terrible behavior and have earned the responsibility to make amends for that. She has every right to feel the way she did about me.
The difference in our current interactions was I wasn’t letting her, or anyone else, define me.
I was taking ownership of who I wanted to be while taking responsibility for who I had been in her past.
That meant apologizing, without excuses or defensiveness, for my actions.
It also meant clearly stating the standards I hold MYSELF to moving forward.
I had some tough, honest conversations with my wife at the time.
I owned up for a lot of past indiscretions.
It felt good to clear the air between us.
As a bonus, knowing who I am and what I stood for, gave her space to reclaim ownership of her story about me.
I believed what she felt was true for her. It no longer affected me personally.
I no longer had the need to change her story or her perception of me.
We were able to connect again on a higher intellectual and emotional level because her storms (large emotions) could smash against my rocks (my personal values) and now leave me grounded and unaffected.
I was safe for her again.
This was a new dynamic for her and I.
It took months, if not years, for her to believe this new way of being for me was true.
She had to feel the shift in my outward display of character was true.
She is someone with self-diagnosed “trust issues” and I accept that.
I accept her.
By knowing these principles and outwardly living them life got so much easier.
I gave up trying to change other people to help me feel better.
I stopped arguing and defending. There was nothing to argue about anymore!
I stopped beating myself up for past mistakes. I didn’t know what I didn’t know!
The monkey-mind chatter was almost non-existent.
That voice that kept telling me I was a low-down, dirty, piece of you-know-what was quieted by my belief in, “as long as I am trying to live by these values, I am enough.”
It was a guidance system programmed and written by me to keep me aligned with the actions that fostered joyful, rewarding, and loving feelings.
If I felt those feelings, I knew I was aligned.
When I started to feel a bit off, I knew where to look and how to course correct.
This new way of being was amazing, it was easier, and it was simple.
Having clearly defined values on how to live and what I base my decisions on changed my life in extraordinary ways.
These principles are my lighthouse in the night.
I was finally sailing with a working compass.
Now, I had to figure out where I was going.
Thoughts From The Woodshop
I used to tell customers, “We make anything out of wood.”
I need to amend that.
You see, the business operating standards are a touch more clearly defined now.
While we CAN build “anything” out of wood, we choose to only build high quality pieces out of wood that return the best value to our clients.
Huh?
What I am saying is this.
We are NOT going to be aligned with our core operating principles if you want us to manufacture the cheapest, quickest, slapped-together hunk of junk so you get the fastest product for the lowest price.
We only build high quality piece with the best materials incorporating high manufacturing tolerances and standards.
Sorry, not sorry. None of us gets satisfaction by being the lowest bidder and chasing the bottom dollar just to turn a buck.
We take pride in our work and live up to the standard we set for ourselves.
Its just easier that way.
Any other way and we would be sacrificing ourselves for the almighty dollar.
So, while we don’t negotiate price, we also don’t lower our standards.
We don’t cut corners. (okay…we do cut clean, tightly fitting miters though) 😉
Our clients appreciate that.
Most importantly, we appreciate that.
Having these standards clearly defines our decisions and progress as a company.
It makes our lives easier and more rewarding when we are traveling in the same direction together.
Our day-to-day operations are directed by our commitment to those standards.
Where to go from here?
I see you man. I see that you are ready to engage, you are ready to create something new. I see that you are ready to pick up the tools we have available and get back to building something in your life that is beautiful, impactful, and meaningful. I look forward to seeing it!
Most of us men spend a lot of time in our heads. We have conversations with ourselves but never show that thinking and feeling side to anyone else.
We want to help you fix that.
We want to show you what it’s like to speak with a man who has lived what you’re going through. It’s rare to feel totally seen, heard and valued by another man.
We hear it all the time.
“Get out of my head dude! How did you know exactly what’s going on in my kitchen!”
Our free discovery calls are not like anything you might imagine.
This is NOT a sales pitch.
This is NOT “taster session”.
This is a deep dive into your scariest and most vulnerable thoughts. And we require you plan for at least a full hour to connect.
Why do we do it this way?
Simple.
We live to serve men. We live to light a spark of realization in your mind that change is possible. Confidence is natural. And becoming empowered to improve your situation is mandatory.
If you want to talk about our coaching programs, groups and courses, that may take another call.
First things first. Let’s get you moving in the right direction for now.
Click HERE now to schedule your personal conversation.
And if you want to send Matt Epsky a personal message about this Q&A email, you can email him at matt@goodguys2greatmen.com
